


Descent into darkness

by cascadingshades



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-01-22 08:40:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12477680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cascadingshades/pseuds/cascadingshades
Summary: Clary was a troubled kid from a broken family. On her 16th birthday, her and Sebastian's life changes forever. Will she be able to rise above the darkness in her life or will it consume her? Will the lightwoods be able to protect her and Sebastian? or will their father destroy them all?





	1. Chapter 1

It was late, the stars were trying to shine through the glare of the streetlights, but their eerie orange glow just swallowed up the beauty of the night. I sat on the window seat next to my little brother’s bed. my new sketchpad resting against my knees. It had been a gift from my parents, along with a new art set, because today had been my 16th birthday. ‘Today you become a woman.’ My dad had chimed this morning over breakfast. I sighed as I gazed out the window, enjoying the quietness of the house, because I knew it wouldn’t last.  
My little brother asleep next to me mumbled something in his sleep and I glanced at him to check he was ok, but he didn’t wake he just rolled over and carried on sleeping. I wish I could sleep like that. I wish I could go back to being 5 years old, back then life had been good, we’d been happy. Sadness washed over me as I watched Sebastian sleep, knowing he had never known it. His life has always been tinted with darkness. I tried to protect him from it as much as I could, but it wasn’t enough. I sighed again watching him sleep. The differences in our appearance were startling. Seb looked just like dad with his pale skin and platinum blonde hair; and I took after our mom with my fair skin and fire blazing red curly hair. I gazed out the window one more time before I slipped off the window ledge, may as well try to sleep. though I had slept many nights here on this ledge watching over Sebastian tonight had been a quiet night so I headed to my room, closing Seb’s door quietly behind me. I threw my sketchpad onto my desk and crashed onto my bed fully clothed, staring up at the now faded glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. My best friend Simon had put them up when we were about 8 years old when our camping trip with school had been cancelled due to weather, ‘see we can still sleep beneath the stars’ he had said as we laid on my bed wrapped in our sleeping bags listening to the storm blazing against my window.

CRASH!  
My eyes opened with a start as I heard a scream, and I bolted upright in bed. He’s back. I was just about to rush to Seb’s room to check on him when my door burst open and Seb came running in carrying his favourite dinosaur teddy. He ran to my bed climbing in. I heard mom scream again and him shout as something smashed.  
“It’s ok buddy,” I said as I stroked his hair trying to comfort him as the screaming and shouting raged on. “Stay here! I’ll be right back.” I said to him as I slid out of bed.  
“Don’t go!” He pleaded his eyes wide with fear.  
“I’ve got to check on mom. Hide in my closet if you want, the torch is still n there. I’ll come right back I promise” I said as I walked towards the door. Seb slid off the bed and ran into my closet pulling the door closed behind him. “Seb remember don’t come out! no matter what you hear, I will come and get you when it’s safe. Ok?”  
“OK,” I heard his scared voice call and once I was sure he was safe I headed out towards the noise.  
They were in the kitchen; mom was on the floor; her lip was bleeding and there was a smashed plate and glass all over the floor. Dad had his back to me so mom saw me enter first and she shook her head to try and tell me to stay out of it. He noticed and turned to see me standing in the doorway.  
“Ah! Here she is. The birthday girl.” He slurred smiling as he held his arms out. he was clearly drunk. Again.  
“Go to bed Clary.” Mom said as she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth streaking it with blood.  
“Today you become a woman Clarissa.” He slurred as he walked towards me clearly choosing to ignore my mom. I felt my fear rising as he got closer, my body readying itself for the blow. He grabbed my face in his vice-like grip and tilted it up, so I am looking him in the eyes. “And want a fine woman you are turning out to be.” He breathed into my neck as he leaned into me, suffocating me with the stench of alcohol rolling off his breath. His other hand snaking up my body, my stomach twisted in fear as his hand explored my body, I felt my panic rising.  
“No!” I said and pushed him, shocking myself and him into releasing my face. He looked at me menacing and his hand went to his belt. oh god, not the belt.  
“Leave her alone Val!” my mom said finally standing.  
“I think you need a lesson on showing some respect!” He said menacingly as he wrapped the belt around his hand for better grip, leaving the buckle end dangling. And he swung it and all I could see was red as pain lashed through my body, again and again. I didn’t scream as I knew that would just make it worse, I clenched my mouth shut trying to keep from making any noise as tears streamed down my face.  
“STOP! VAL!” My mother screamed trying to pull my dad away from my crumpled body on the floor. He backhanded her forcefully and she staggered back from the force of it, but it had done the job.  
“Get out of my sight!” he said as he pointed a threatening finger at me, “Next time show some respect!” he spat the last word before turning on my mom “And you! HOW DARE YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” he yelled as he advanced on her, I got up cautiously wincing at the fresh welts from the belt that stung the side of my face, arm, and back. I had just managed to pull myself into a standing position when it happened.


	2. Chapter 2

It was like everything had gone into slow motion. I saw my dad with his hands wrapped tightly around my mom’s throat, I saw her stagger and grab something off the side struggling to breathe and smash it across my dad’s head. He released her in shock. Then he had something in his hand and he brought it down on my mom, it shone in the harsh kitchen light. my mom froze as if from shock before slumping to the ground. The shiny object protruding from her neck. My dad standing over her glaring at the blood trickling across the kitchen floor. I must have made a noise as Dad’s head snapped up to me and suddenly I was running. I ran to my room and managed to flick the lock on the door before I felt my dad’s force bashing against the door.  
“SEB! Get my phone! QUICK” I yelled as I started to push my chest of drawers in front of the door. “SEB! PLEASE!” I huffed as I struggled to make them move, inch by inch.  
“CLARISSA! OPEN THIS DOOR!” Dad yelled as he bashed on the door and I saw Seb’s little figure dash from the closet to my desk as I finally pushed the drawers far enough and I slumped down in front of them gasping through the pain in my chest. He ran to me and gave me the phone and sat next to me flinching every time dad slammed into the door.  
“911 what’s your emergency?”  
“HELP! MY…my dad!” I gasped “HE…he…” I couldn’t breathe. Mom. I felt a tear run down my face and felt Seb hug closer to me.  
“Miss? Are you there?”  
I glanced down at Seb, I had to protect him. “He stabbed my mom. Please send someone. My brother and I are trapped in my room, he’s trying to get in.” I gushed hugging Seb tightly to my side, I could feel him shaking, or was that me? I felt numb.  
“CLARISSA! OPEN THIS GOD DAMN DOOR!” he yelled again and the door shook on its hinges  
“Please hurry,” I added  
“Officers have been dispatched, there on their way. Stay on the line with me. What’s your name sweetheart.”  
“Clarissa Morgenstern.” I stuttered and the door shook again.  
“How old are you Clarissa?”  
“16.” The door made a nasty crunching sound. “He’s getting in.” and I heard Seb sob next to me.  
“There nearly there Clarissa. You said you were with your brother?”  
“Yes, he’s with me,” I said looking around trying to think of another way out. The window. I cried out in pain as I jumped up quickly  
“Are you hurt?” the lady on the phone asked as I rushed to the window.  
“I’m ok,” I said as I turned to Seb as the door crunched again. “Seb come here quick.” He rushed to me still clinging to his teddy. “Talk to the lady for me,” I said as I handed him the phone.  
“Hello?” he said into the phone as I pushed open my window as wide as I could I had thought about climbing down the trellis that hung against the side of the house a million times and run away but I never did because of Seb. I knew I could manage the climb but I wasn’t sure Seb could.  
“She’s opening the window,” Seb said into the phone. I quickly looked around at Seb, he was barefoot. Then the door split and he was in. Seb screamed as our dad’s hand tried to push the draws out of the way through the gap in the door.  
“SEB!” I yelled at him and grabbed him and slung him on my back. he still had his teddy and phone clung in his hands. “HOLD ON TIGHT! DON’T LET GO!” I shouted at Seb over my dad’s frustrated yells.  
“Hello? Seb? Clarissa? Are you there?” the lady’s voice said coming from the phone. I felt Seb clutch tighter to me as I started to climb out of the window. I could hear sirens in the distance and the sound of my drawers finally falling over as I climbed down the trellis praying it would hold the weight of both of us.  
“CLARISSA!” Dad yelled from my window as I neared the bottom. Lights had come on in the neighbouring houses and some people had come out to see what was happening as the police car came rushing around the corner of our street. I hit the ground and ran towards them not looking back to see if he had followed me out the window.  
“Miss?” A police officer said as he came rushing to my side. I couldn’t breathe through the pain in my chest. I just pointed to the house and he nodded at someone behind me and rushed off towards the house with his partner close behind. I felt someone trying to take Seb off my back. he screamed and clung tighter.  
“NO!” I yelled and spun to see who it was backing away from them. It was a young woman, wearing paramedics uniform, an ambulance had been parked next to the police car. I hadn’t even noticed it arrive. She held up her hands as she stepped cautiously towards me  
“It’s ok, I’m not going to hurt you, I just need to check your wounds.” She pointed at my face as she said the last part. I had forgotten about my injuries. “Is he hurt?” she added pointing at Seb when I didn’t respond.  
I shook my head. “No, I kept him safe,” I said numbly, I felt dazed, like I was in a dream, no like I was in a nightmare; one I really wished I could wake up from.  
“You’re safe now.” She said


	3. Chapter 3

The next few hours went by in a daze. The paramedic finally managed to get me into the back of the ambulance with Seb still clung to my side and we were rushed off to the hospital. Apparently, I need a couple of stitches for the cut across my cheekbone. I hadn’t even realised it had been bleeding. They had tried to take Sebastian to a room of his own, but he screamed, kicked and punched until they released him, and he came running back to me. I wrapped him in my arms and gave the doctors a stare that clearly said stay away from my brother. We had a social worker come into our room with a police officer after a while, Seb had finally fallen asleep from exhaustion. The office tried to ask me a few questions about what had happened, but I was too dazed and numb, I just stared at them, not saying a word, until they finally gave up and left.  
The next thing I know the social worker was pulling up outside a house and ushering me and Seb out of her car. She walked us to the door and rang the doorbell. Seb had his teddy in one hand and he clung to me with his other.  
“By the angel.” The Dark hair woman gasped as her eyes landed on me and then down to Seb who was partly hiding behind me.  
“Hello Maryse,” the social worker smiled at the Dark-haired lady, “this is Clarissa and Sebastian, who I called you about earlier.”  
“Yes! Of course, come on in.” Maryse rushed as she stepped aside to let us in. “Robert’s in the kitchen with the children, we were just sitting down for breakfast.” She said as she closed the door behind us. I followed the social worker as she obviously knew where she was going. She walked us into the large kitchen and I saw a middle-aged man pouring himself a cup of coffee. He looked up at us as we entered and his eyes went wide before he plastered on a smile.  
“Hello Mary, good to see you again.” he smiled at the social worker. So that’s what her name was. I know she had told me at one point but my mind was numb from everything.  
“Hello, Robert.” She smiled.  
“Come sit down.” He said as he walked towards the joint dining room. Mary followed and I walked slowly behind them. Maryse was hovering closely behind me and Seb.  
“Everyone this is Clarissa and Sebastian, they are going to be staying with us for a few days.” Maryse smiled as she walked to the table before turning to me and Seb.  
“This is my husband Robert.” She pointed to the middle-aged man who waved hello. “And these are our children, Max,” she pointed to a small black haired little boy with glasses. He couldn’t be much older than Seb. “Alec…” She pointed to a tall wiry boy with Black hair and an inquisitive glare. “Isabelle, but we call her Izzy.” Maryse smiled pointing to a black-haired girl who was probably about my age. She was beautiful, I think I recognise her from school, but I couldn’t be sure. “and lastly Jace.” Maryse said finishing her introductions. Jace was clearly not related, he was the complete opposite to all the other kids. While they all had fair skin and pitch-black hair, he had golden tanned skin and golden blonde hair and he was blatantly staring at me.  
“What happened to you?” The little one called Max gasped obviously taking in my bruised and cut face. I must look terrible.  
“Max.” Robert scolded sternly and Seb yelped and hid behind me more. Maryse and Robert looked at Seb sadly as he peered out from behind me.  
“It’s ok Sebastian, you’re safe here.” Maryse cooed. “Are you hungry? We’re having pancakes.” She said bending down to Seb’s height  
He looked at the food on the table then at all the strangers and hid again. I stroked my hand through his hair and he looked up at me his big jade green eyes looking lost and scared. I walked over to an empty chair and sat down and Seb climbed onto my lap. Izzy placed a plate in front of me and I took a single pancake and cut it up with my fork before stabbing a piece and handed it to Seb. He looked warily at me and I nodded, and he took it taking a bite of the pancake as I saw Mary usher Maryse and Robert a little bit away to talk.  
“She hasn’t said a thing since it happened.” I heard Mary say to them in a hushed voice clearly trying to keep the conversation private but I knew the other kids could hear her too as they ate their breakfast in silence. “We believe she witnessed the whole thing.” Mary continued and I heard Maryse gasp. I could feel people staring at me but I just watched Seb.  
“What about the boy?” Robert asked.  
“No, he told us he had hidden in his special hiding spot like his sister had told him.”  
“So, this wasn’t the first time this has happened,” Robert said as I poured some juice for Seb.  
“No, from what we could see without causing too much stress they both have signs of previous abuse,” Mary said, and I stiffened at the word abuse. Seb noticed and looked up at me. “The boy is very attached to her, I think she’s been protecting him from most of it as she seems to have suffered the worst.”  
“Do you want some?”  
I looked up to see who had spoken. It was Jace holding a plate of bacon, look of concern clearly on his face. I just shook my head, Seb didn’t like bacon and I didn’t think I could eat anything without throwing it back up again.  
“Clary.” Seb said quietly and I looked down at him, “When’s mommy coming?” I heard someone gasp, I think it was Maryse. I felt the knot in my throat and the tears sting my eyes as I shook my head at him. no one had told him. he turned around and wrapped his arms around my neck and started crying. I held him tight as I fought back the tears. I felt someone touch my arm and I flinched and jumped up out of reach sending the chair toppling. It had been Izzy I glared at her and backed away. Seb clung tighter to me. Everyone looking at me with shock and sympathy.  
“It’s ok Clarissa, no one here is going to hurt you,” Robert said soothingly, and I just stared at him.  
“Why don’t we show you where you will be staying.” Maryse smiled clearly trying to defuse the situation.  
“I better be off.” Mary said, “I’ll be back in a day or so to see how you are getting on.” She added looking at me and I just nodded. Robert showed her out while Maryse led me upstairs.  
“Clarissa you’ll be in here with Isabelle.” Maryse smiled showing me a room that consisted of 2 single beds, a built-in wardrobe that was spilling out clothes it was so full. A desk with a laptop and stereo on and a vanity table with a huge oval mirror. The vanity was full of makeup products. The walls were a dark purple but it had a sparkle to it. It was surprisingly nice. I just nodded as I took it all in.  
“Sebastian you’ll be sharing with Max.” she smiled at Seb as he peaked through my hair at her as she opened a door on her left. It was clearly a young child’s room, it had 2 single beds with navy blue covers. On the far side was several toy boxes stuffed full of toys. There were more toys in one box than Seb had ever had. The wallpaper was covered in vehicles and roads and there was a huge rug in the middle of the room that had lots of roads for toy cars to drive on.  
“NO! CLARY!” he yelled at Maryse, tightening his grip around my neck.  
“Mom! We’re going.” Someone called from downstairs.  
“OK! Have a good day at school guys. Be home for dinner.” She called back and then I heard the front door open and close.  
“Why don’t you and Clarissa go and play.” Maryse smiled at Seb kindly. She then looked at me. “The bathroom is next to your room. If you want to take a shower or anything feel free.” She smiled kindly at me. “you’re welcome to borrow any of Isabelle’s clothes.” She looked me up and down, “Though they may be a bit big for you. I’ll talk to Mary about maybe getting you some of your own clothes and things.” She added. “Robert and I are both working from home today so if you need anything, we’ll be just downstairs.” She smiled and looked from me to Seb before heading back towards the stairs.


	4. Chapter 4

I set Seb down and sighed as I watched her go. A shower sounded good, but I knew Seb would never leave my side long enough for me to have one. I glanced down at him, though he could use a wash too. I took his hand and walked towards the bathroom. It was huge, it was bigger than my room back home. It had a huge corner bath that looked like it had jets built into it. There was a walk-in shower that had frosted glass, so you couldn’t see into it. The toilet was in the far corner and there were two sinks with a huge mirror on your right. The airing cupboard near the door was full of fresh towels. By the side of the bath, there was a pile of bath toys, several different body washes and shampoos and some bubble bath. I started to run the bath and added a small amount of bubble bath. Seb just watched curiously. I then headed to what was meant to be Seb’s room and tried to find him some clean clothes to wear. Maryse had said I could borrow some of Izzy’s clothes so I’m sure she wouldn’t mind Seb borrowing Max’s. luckily, they were pretty much the same size. Seb followed me from room to room while I gathered stuff for us to use. I placed Seb in the bath and quickly washed him before giving him the toys to play with while I quickly jumped in the shower. The hot water stung my cuts and bruises, but it felt good to feel something, even if it was pain. It was better than the pure emptiness I had been feeling since last night. I stood there letting the hot water wash away all the dirt and grime praying it would wash away the memories as well. I don’t know how long I was in the shower but the water had started to cool so I shut off the shower and grabbed a towel from the hook next to the shower and wrapped it around me. Seb was still playing quietly in the bath. I grabbed another towel and wrapped it around him. I quickly dried him and dressed him in the top and trousers I had found for him, I was right he was the same size as Max they fit him perfectly. The clothes I had borrowed on the other hand did not. I had managed to find a top that fits ok, it was short sleeved though, so I put my hoodie back on to cover the bruises on my arms, but all her trousers were too big and mine had blood on them, so I grabbed a pair of jeans and turned them up at the bottom. Seb sat on what would be my bed while I brushed my hair. There was a tv in the room I hadn’t noticed before and I turned it onto some cartoons for him. my phone buzzed from my hoodie’s pocket. I pulled it out and saw I had several missed calls and unread messages from Simon.  
 **Hey, where are you?**

  
**Why aren’t you answering your phone?**

  
**People are saying there was police at you house last night. What’s happened?**

  
**Clary! You are seriously freaking me out. ANSWER YOUR PHONE!!**

  
I sighed and went and sat on the bed next to Seb with my back against the wall. I had better text him back.

  
**Hey sorry, I didn’t answer my phone. So much has happened Simon I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t really want to talk about it right now. Seb and I are fine, but we aren’t living at home right now. Some bad stuff happened Simon. Really bad. We are in a foster house I think. I don’t know where. I’ll find out and let you know. There are 3 kids from school that live here, well I think they go to our school. Alec, Isabelle, and Jace. Maybe if you find them they could tell you the address. Clary**

  
The reply was almost instant, he must have his phone out in class.

**Thank you for finally responding, I was seriously freaking out here, though your message has no way put me at ease. I’ll look for them. I don’t know what happened, people are saying several police and ambulances were at your house last night. Is someone hurt?**

  
I sighed at Simons reply. How do I reply to that? I can’t even bring myself to say it let alone write so it’s out there forever. In the end, I decided to ignore it.  
There was a knock on the door and Maryse walked in. she smiled at us as she looked at us both lounging on the bed watching telly.  
“You’re welcome to watch tv downstairs, don’t feel like you have to stay in your rooms.” She smiled kindly at us. “I’ve just made some lunch if you want to come down and get some.” She added when neither of us said anything. Was it lunchtime already? I have completely lost any concept of time lately. I nodded and switched the tv off. Seb followed my cue and slid off the bed to follow Maryse out the door, keeping close to me.  
Maryse led us a different way to the kitchen, leading us through a huge lounge that had 2 large leather sofas, large wooden coffee table and a huge tv that took up most of the wall. Into another room, that to Clary’s surprise looked like a music room. There was a grand piano in the far corner and in the corner closest to the door there was an acoustic guitar leaning against the floor to ceiling bookcase that was crammed full. I instinctively took a step towards it. Maryse must have seen my movement out the corner of her eye as she stopped to watch me.  
“Do you play?” she asked gently, I shrugged, I was ok. Simon had been having guitar lessons since kindergarten and I had tagged along to his lessons before I fell in love with drawing. Though I have a guitar at home and still played occasionally. Though my guitar was no way as nice as this.  
“She’s the best,” Seb said with a smile on his face. I couldn’t help but smile at him.  
“Really.” Maryse laughed lightly at Seb’s sudden enthusiasm. Seb loved listening to me play. It calmed him, I had tried to teach him but he was still a little young. “I’d love to hear you play sometime. You’re welcome to use it anytime.” She smiled at me. I just smiled gently at her, and she started walking again.  
Maryse had gone over the top with lunch, it looked like she was feeding the five hundred not just the four of us. Seb’s eyes went wide, I’m not sure he has seen so much food before.  
“I didn’t know what you liked so I just made a bit of everything.” She smiled looking slightly embarrassed. I nodded and gave her a small smile, she was clearly trying hard to make us feel comfortable. Robert just smiled at us as we both sat down at the table. They both looked relieved when we both grabbed some food and started eating. I didn’t realise I had been hungry, my stomach has been in knots that I just felt sick constantly, but the pasta salad tasted delicious and went down well.  
I was grateful Robert and Maryse didn’t try to make small talk or probe me with questions, they just talked casually among themselves, asking Seb questions about his friends and school. Seb was starting to warm up to them and was more willing to talk to them by the end of lunch. I couldn’t help but smile at him, he was being so brave throughout all of this. Maryse set Seb up with some drawing in the lounge after lunch was over.  
“Draw me a picture Clary.” He had asked me as Maryse watched from the doorway. He gave me a piece of paper and pushed the pencils so they sat in the middle of us. I smiled at him as his laid on his stomach on the soft rug drawing what looks like a big red car. I glanced at my page, and for the first time ever I didn’t know what to draw. An image of my mom’s body lying motionless in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor shot through my head and my breath caught. I must have made a noise because Seb turned to look at me. I smiled at him trying to make it look like I was ok and he went back to drawing. I stared down at my paper again and closed my eyes trying to bring a happier memory of mom to my mind. A memory of sitting snuggled on the sofa with mom and Seb watching some silly kid’s movie Seb had been obsessed with, laughing happily together popped into my mind. It wasn’t a special moment but it was a happy one, and they had been rare in our house. My pencil started to move across the paper the way it normally does when my creative juices start flowing.  
“It’s mommy,” Seb said as he came to see what I had drawn. It was a picture of us all on the sofa and just like my memory we were laughing. I heard movement behind me and realized we weren’t alone. I looked up to see Maryse sitting on the sofa. How long had she been there? She had clearly been reading, as a book lay open beside her as she leaned towards us.  
“Can I see?” she asked. I passed her the picture warily.  
“Its mommy, me and Clary,” Seb said to Maryse.  
“Wow. You are very talented Clarissa.” Maryse smiled kindly at me as she looked at the picture.  
“Just like mommy,” Seb said matter-of-factly as he went to pick up his picture and handed it to me. I smiled at him as I looked at the picture. It was a picture of a big red race car with a dinosaur driving it. I couldn’t help but laugh at it. Seb’s crazy imagination. Seb giggled at my reaction. I could feel Maryse watching us.


	5. Chapter 5

The phone started ringing and Maryse left the room to answer it. Seb offered me another piece of paper but I refused, he frowned then put the paper down and quickly ran out of the room. I watched him go, surprised he’d left a room without me and wondering where he had gone. He came back a few minutes later carrying the guitar and plonked it into my lap. I had a feeling he was trying to make me feel better. When did he get so smart? He grabbed his teddy that seemed to be glued to his hand lately and laid down on the sofa I was leaning against yawning. He wanted me to play him a song to sleep, just like I did at home. I sighed, anything for him. I moved to sit on the sofa next to him as I strummed the guitar to check it was in tune, before playing a few random tunes while I thought of what to play.  
“Sing Clary.” He whined, and I rolled my eyes at him, I kept playing random little tunes as I couldn’t think of anything to sing until my eyes landed on the picture I had drawn. I stared at my mom and suddenly I was singing because of you by Kelly Clarkson.

  
I will not make the same mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself  
Cause my heart so much misery  
I will not break the way you did  
You fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far

I saw Seb’s eye’s close as I continued to sing, and his body visibly relax.

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side, so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid

  
I felt my anger rising as the words poured out of me.

I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry  
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  
I'm forced to fake  
A smile, a laugh, every day of my life  
My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid

I watched you die  
I heard you cry every night in your sleep  
I was so young  
You should have known better than to lean on me  
You never thought of anyone else  
You just saw your pain

And now I cry in the middle of the night  
For the same damn thing

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I try my hardest just to forget everything  
Because of you  
I don't know how to let anyone else in  
Because of you  
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty  
Because of you  
I am afraid  
Because of you  
Because of you

“Wow! That’s one way of breaking the silence.”  
I spun at the sound and saw everyone was standing in the entrance of the room, everyone except Jace who had come and sat on the arm of the other sofa. He had been the one to speak, he looked at me like he had never seen anything like it before. Maryse still had the phone in her hand looking stunned. Izzy had her eyebrows raised in surprised and Alec still had his inquisitive look on his face. Robert who was holding Max was wearing the same stunned expression as Maryse.  
“I…err.” I felt myself start to blush. I quickly put the guitar down. “Seb likes to be sung to sleep,” I said trying not to look anyone in the eyes.  
Alec gave a quick sharp laugh “And that song put him to sleep?” I glanced at Seb who was indeed fast asleep cuddling his dinosaur.  
“In our house, the louder the music the better to block out everything else,” I said before realising what I was saying. I stiffen as I felt their gazes shift from the sleeping Seb to me. I saw Jace move out the corner of my eye and saw him grab the drawing.  
“Did you draw this?” He asked raising his eyebrows in surprise.  
“Clarissa’s v…” Maryse started  
“Clary!” I snapped and she looked at me confused. “My name is Clary. Only my father calls me Clarissa.” I snapped at her confused look, spitting the word father. My anger boiling up. I don’t know why I was so angry. “It’s just a stupid picture I drew for Seb,” I said turning back to Jace.  
“you look happy,” Jace said as he gazed at it. And I couldn’t help the sarcastic laugh from escaping me.  
I grabbed the picture and screw it up into a ball and threw it onto the table “It’s just a stupid picture, doesn’t mean or change anything.” I said venomously.  
“Clary, none of what happened is your fault,” Maryse said soothingly clearing seeing the anger rising in me. I didn’t mean to take my anger out on them, but I couldn’t help it, it was boiling over and I couldn’t stop it from exploding.  
“YES, IT IS!” I yelled, “I SHOULD HAVE BEEN STRONGER! I SHOULD HAVE STOPPED HIM!” I could feel myself shaking and I balled my hands up into fist trying to regain some control.  
“You shouldn’t have to stop him! He shouldn’t have been doing that stuff in the first place.” Maryse said back looking extremely worried.  
“SHE WAS PROTECTING ME! SHE WAS KEEPING HIM OFF ME!” I yelled at her and I could see the shocked looks but I didn’t care, the dam was open and there was no way of stopping it now. “SHE SHOULD HAVE JUST LET HIM! I CAN TAKE IT! ITS NOTHING I’M NOT USE TO! IF SHE HAD SHE’D STILL BE ALIVE! AND I WOULDN’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO MY BABY BROTHER SHE’S NOT COMING BACK! BECAUSE OF ME!”  
“Clary! Stop! This is NOT your fault!” Maryse said as she walked to me and held out her arms to me.  
“Don’t touch me!” I warned and stepped back and Maryse dropped her arms.  
“Clary your hand is bleeding.” She said sadly and I looked down to see blood trickling from my right hand from where my nails had dug into my palm; and just as quickly as it arrived my anger vanished.  
“I’m fine!” I said looking back at her. “It’s nothing, just a scratch!” I glanced at Seb, he had slept through my outburst. I bent down to pick up the ball of paper and uncrunched it and gently laid it next to him. he’ll be safe here, but I couldn’t stay here any longer.  
“Look after him.” I said looking Maryse straight in the eye “He deserves better.”  
Maryse looked confused at my statement for a moment until I started walking towards the door. Alec, Izzy, Robert and Max had disappeared at some point of my breakdown. Jace still sat on the arm of the sofa just watching everything.  
“Clary!” Maryse called as she followed me, I could see she wanted to grab me, but she knew that would just make it worse. “Where are you going?”  
I didn’t answer I just opened the front door and walked out. I didn’t know where I was going. I just knew I had to get out of that house.  
“Clary come back,” Maryse called as I put my hood up and shoved my hands into my hoodie bracing against the cold. Winter had arrived. My hand closed around something in my pocket and I pulled it out. my headphones and phone.  
“Clary!” It was Robert calling this time. I shoved my headphones in my ears. Nickelback blasted out my headphones drowning out all noise and numbing my thoughts.


	6. Chapter 6

**JPOV**

  
I don’t remember how It had happened, Robert was calling after Clary and before I knew it I was pushing past him chasing her. why? I hardly know this girl. Sure, I had noticed her around the school, who wouldn’t with that fiery red hair and beautiful smile; but he had never spoken to her, she always seemed to be with that tall lanky brown-haired guy with glasses, I assume is her boyfriend. She had always seemed shy at school, but now I guess it was because of whatever was going on at home.  
A memory of her walking into the house this morning flashed into his head. She had a bruised cheek and possibly a black eye, a couple of stitches across her cheekbone and a dried line of blood running from it down her cheek. Her hair wild and untidy and her eyes were blank of any emotion like she was dead inside. Her eyes were a bright jade green colour the same as her brothers and they lit up every time she looked at Sebastian, even if it was a minuscule amount, he noticed. She was still in there. He hadn’t known what had happened to her then, but he had felt a stab of anger at anyone who could do that to her because he knew that under all those cuts, bruises and dirt she was beautiful.  
He hung back a bit following her, not sure of what to say if he caught up with her. Clary had either not noticed I was following her or didn’t care. I hadn’t been paying attention to where we were going so when I turned the corner and found myself at the beginning of a huge bridge I was shocked. I could see Clary halfway up the bridge already she had stopped and was gazing out at the view. Then she started to climb the railing and my heart raced. She wouldn’t jump? Would she? I sped up and by the time I got to her she was sitting on the railing dangling her legs over the side of the bridge. She still hadn’t noticed me and from this close, I could see the headphones in her ears. I slowly climbed the railing and sat down next to her and she finally saw me. she frowned at me and pulled her headphones out of her ears letting them dangle around her neck.

“What are you doing here?” She asked. What was I doing there? No one had told me to come, I didn’t even know her, yet looking down at the water below, I realised I was worried about her.  
“You’re not going to jump, are you? Because that water looks freezing.” I asked as I finally looked at her ignoring her question. She looked down at the water, the sun was going down and the sky was a red/orange colour making the water look black.  
“No.” She sighed, as she gazed at the sunset leaning her head against the pillar next to her.  
“so why here?” I asked after a while of silence as I glanced around at the bridge.  
“It’s where I come to think,” Clary said giving me a pointed glare that clearly said she wanted to be alone; I ignored it  
“So, you’re not here to meet your boyfriend then,” I smirked, not sure why I had brought the boyfriend up or why my stomach lurched at the word boyfriend.  
“What?” Clary glared at me clearly confused.  
“Yeah, you know the brown-haired guy with glasses you hang with at school,” I explained, and Clary looked surprised  
“You mean Simon.” Clary finally answered recovering from her shock. “He’s not my boyfriend. He’s my best friend.” She said shaking her head. My heart fluttered and my stomach twisted at this piece of news. Why?

**CPOV**

  
I could feel Jace watching me with his golden eyes as I tried to recover from the knowledge that Jace knew me from school.  
“So, are you planning on coming back to the Lightwoods?” Jace asked.  
“Yeah, like they are going to want me back,” I mumbled, watching the streets lights starting to turn on and light up the town.  
“They do.” Jace smiled and I glanced at him, “I gave them a ride for their money when I came to them, and they always welcomed me back.”  
“I just don’t know what to do with all that’s happened. My brain just isn’t working.” I sighed as I looked at him. Jace nodded.  
“I’m not going to pretend to know what you are going through,” Jace said as he looked out over the water. “…but I remember what it was like when I came to the lightwoods…I just took it one day at a time.” He looked at me, “maybe instead of trying to work through it all at once, maybe just try to take one day at a time…try and bring some normality back into your life before trying to tackle the worst parts.” I smiled at him and nodded before gazing out over the water. One day at a time. I could do that.  
“So, can we go now?” Jace asked after a while rubbing his hands together, “Cause I’m bloody freezing.” He smiled at him and I couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped me. Jace’s smile grew at the sound.  
“I have to go home. I need to get some of my things.” I said as I stared the ground, I felt my stomach twist at the thought of going back to that house. “You can go back to the Lightwoods, I’ll be back later,” I added as Jace jumped down off the railing onto the path.  
“I’ll come with you.” He said as he held a hand to help me down. I looked at it and jumped down without his help. Not sure I could stand to be touched right now. I saw Jace frown slightly before he regained his self and held out an arm “Lead the way.” He smiled.

  
We walked mostly in silence, I think Jace sensed how the closer we got the tenser I became, and before I knew it we were on my street. It was quiet, as if nothing had happened here, less than 24 hours ago. I stopped in front of my house and just stared at it for a minute, Jace just watched.  
“You don’t have to do this today, one day at a time remember.” He said quietly to me after a while of me just staring at the house.  
“I can’t do one day at a time with no clothes.” I sighed steadying my resolve. I straightened my shoulders and walked towards the front door and saw the police seal on the front door. Crap. I walked around to the side door and it had the same seal on it. I sighed thinking, Jace was looking around to see if we had been spotted as I guess this is a crime scene. I walked back to the front and looked up. My window was slightly a jar. I walked to the trellis and started to climb.  
“Clary! What are you doing?” Jace asked clearly shocked.  
“Going in the same way I came out.” I huffed as I reached the top and pulled at the window; it swung open and I started to climb in.  
“The way you what?” Jace asked but he had started to climb  
it was dark in my room, all the lights were off in the house, but I walked over to my bed and flicked on the bedside table light as Jace climbed through the window. I looked around at the chaos of my room. Someone had picked up the chest of drawers and shoved the haphazardly to the corner. The door was completely off its hinges and had been rested against the wall. Memories of last night flashed through my mind one after the other. My breath caught, and my heart rate started to rise dramatically.  
“Clary!” Jace said from somewhere next to me, but I couldn’t see him all I could see was last night. It was a nightmare on repeat playing over and over. “Clary! Just breathe. You’re having a panic attack…just listen to me.” Jace came into my line of vision. “Just try and slow your breathing ok…so how long have you been able to play the guitar?”  
I tried to do what he said. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe slowly. “Since…kin..der..garten.” I tried to answer.  
“Cool, I play the piano,” Jace said watching me. “Can you play any more instruments?” my breathing was starting to slow  
“No.” I breathed and opened my eyes. Jace smiled at me  
“Welcome back.” he smiled. “So, this is your room huh.” He added looking around at the posters and drawings all over the walls. My desk covered in art supplies.  
“Yeah.” I breathed looking around at it all. This has been my room since I was born. I took a steadying breath, “thanks.” I said to Jace  
“Anytime.” He smiled at me and I couldn’t help but give him a small smile in return.  
I quickly went to my bed and pulled out the duffle bag from under it and started to fill it with my clothes. Jace sat on the bed watching me and gazing around the room. I packed my new sketchpad and art set and the few photos I had on my desk, before heading to grab some of Seb’s stuff. I was just putting his stuff into another duffle bag when Jace walked into his room looking around. He didn’t say anything he just watched, I think he was making sure I was ok. I grabbed a few of Seb’s favourite toys and teddys and shoved them in before zipping it up and slinging over my shoulder.  
“Ok done. Let’s go.” I sighed as I took one more look around the room. Jace nodded and walked back to my room while I followed turning off the lights as I went. Jace had the other duffle over his shoulder when I walked back into my room.  
“I take it we’re leaving through the window.” He smiled and I nodded. Jace climbed up onto the windowsill while I turned off the bedside light. I grabbed my schoolbag and slung it onto my back as I waited for him to reach the bottom before I climbed out, pushing the window closed as I went.


	7. Chapter 7

Jace opened the front door and we both instantly heard the screaming. I rushed towards the noise, Jace close behind me.

"It's ok sweetheart, you're safe here," Maryse said soothingly to Sebastian looking at him with worry, Robert was standing next to her with the same exasperated and concerned look on his face.

"I WANT CLARY! I WANT CLARY! I WANT CLARY!" Seb was screaming like a mantra, tears running freely down his face as he stood stamping his feet in frustration, his little hands balled into fists.

"SEB! STOP!" I said sternly. All heads snapped to me. Seb instantly ran to me and I scooped him up in a hug as he clung to me like his life depended on it.

"Look who I found," Jace smirked at Maryse and Robert before looking at me. I rolled my eyes at him and he laughed making me give him a small smile as I set Seb down in front of me.

"Seb you can't scream the house down every time I leave," I said as I came down to his height to look him in the eye.

"But you left me." He frowned at me.

"I can't take you everywhere I go." I smiled at him, "and you know I'd never really leave you, not on purpose…because we are what Seb?" I asked

"Unbreakable." Seb smiled at me finally.

"Yeah, we are." I smiled and ruffled his hair, he giggled. I glanced up to see Maryse standing by the counter, with her hand over her mouth watching us.

"I think you need to apologise to Maryse and Robert." Seb quickly looked at them and back at me. "They are being very kind letting us stay in their home. We need to show them respect." At my last word Seb gasped, stood ramrod straight and turned to face Maryse and Robert like a soldier waiting for orders. They looked at him confused.

"Shit!" I swore, why did I use that word.

"No buddy. Not like daddy." I said sadly, and I heard Maryse shocked intake and saw the shocked and sad expressions cross their faces. Seb started to relax as he looked at me confused.

"But you said…" Seb started, trailing off not wanting to say the R word.

"I know and I'm sorry. I didn't mean daddy's rule. I just meant to say we need to be nice to them. do as your told and don't scream or argue. Ok?"

"Ok, Clary," Seb said quietly.

"Look what I got." I smiled at him trying to change the subject as I unzipped the duffle bag and pulled out his favourite toy. It was a toy monster truck. It looked like a hybrid, half truck half dinosaur, with its dinosaur tail sticking out at the back. Seb gasped and took it.

"Thanks, Clary." He beamed and hugged me.

"Your welcome buddy. Why don't you go and show Max." I smiled at him as he pulled out of the hug. He looked at Maryse for approval and she nodded.

"He's playing in your room." She smiled at him. Seb looked at me warily for a minute as if unsure whether to leave me, I smiled and nodded.

"I'm glad you came back, Clary." Maryse smiled at me as I stood up from where I had been crouching as I watched Seb run off to find Max

"Yeah, sorry about earlier," I said sheepishly

"You don't have to apologise, you've been through so much," Robert said placing his hand on the small of Maryse's back smiling kindly at me. Maryse nodded in agreement.

"Do we want to know how you got those bags?" Robert asked warily

"Probably not." Jace smiled and I couldn't help the small laugh that escaped me. I saw Maryse's smile grow at the sound.

"Well, I held dinner off for as long as I could, hoping you'd both be back for it." Maryse smiled as she suddenly started busying herself in the kitchen. "Why don't you go wash up and get the others while I serve it up." She smiled at me and Jace.

Jace led the way upstairs and walked straight into Isabelle's room without even knocking

"Jace!" Izzy started, she was sat on her bed and Alec was sitting on the desk chair backwards, resting his arms on the back of the chair.

"What the hell man! Where have you been?" Alec asked before his eyes landed on me. Jace plonked the duffle bag onto my bed and I followed suit.

"Welcome back" Isabelle smiled at me. I gave her a shy smile.

"Mom says dinner's ready," Jace said ignoring Alec's question.

"Finally. I'm starving!" Alec replied clearly not fussed about Jace ignoring his questions.

Jace shucked off his jacket and laid it on my bed as he sat down on it. It was really warm in the house. I was about to pull off my hoodie when I remembered my bruises and stopped.

"Aren't you hot in that?" Alec asked after clearly watching me.

"I'm fine." I lied, and Izzy threw something at Alec.

"OW!" Alec said as it hit him square on the head. "What?" he asked looking annoyed at his sister.

"Ignore him." Izzy smiled at me. "I do." I smiled at her as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. It was dead.

"Do you have somewhere I can charge this?" I asked looking around for an empty plug socket.

"Yeah, there should be one next to your bedside table," Izzy said as I grabbed my charger wire out of my backpack. I skirted around Jace and Alec avoiding any physical contact to plug it in.

"KIDS!" it was Robert calling from downstairs. Izzy slid off her bed and led the way out of her room, followed by Alec and Jace. I followed slowly behind. Seb came out of his room as he I walked past, and he grabbed my hand. I smiled at him as we made our way down to the dining room.

"Clary come sit here." Izzy smiled, as Seb and I walked awkwardly into the dining room. It was a large rectangular table that had eight chairs situated around it. I sat down in the chair next to Izzy, Seb sat on the chair at the end of the table next to me. Jace was next to Seb and opposite me and Alec was next to him. Max sat on Izzy's other side with Maryse next to him on the end and Robert was next to Alec.

"Mommy, Seb has a really cool dinosaur truck." Max said excitedly to Maryse, "And he let me play with it."

"He did, that was nice of him." Maryse smiled at Max, "I hope you are sharing your toys nicely too." Max nodded eating a mouthful of food. Seb was just sitting there watching everyone warily. He wasn't used to so many people or family dinners where people talked happily together instead of shouting, smashing or hitting something.

"You ok Seb?" Izzy asked gently. Seb looked at her shyly then at me.

"It's ok Seb. Eat." I smiled at him. he went to grab his fork and knocked over his drink.

"AHH." He screamed and curled himself up into a ball on his chair and covered his head with his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He chanted. Everyone was watching him shocked. Maryse stood up to clean up the spill.

"It's ok hunny. Nothing to worry about." She said and went to touch him, and he jumped at her touch.

"Seb," I said as I got out of my chair and crouched next to his. "It's me," I said, and he wrapped his hands around my neck.

"tell them I'm sorry Clary. I won't do it again! I won't!" He said scared as I sat back in my chair with him on my lap.

"They know buddy. They know." I soothed stroking his hair trying to stop him from shaking.

"Hey Seb, look!" Jace called and when Seb glanced at him, he purposely knocked his own drink over and put his arms out to his sides, "Nothing to worry about here buddy." He smiled at Seb.

Seb looked at him wide-eyed and Max giggled at Jace. Seb sat up warily and looked around as if waiting for something to happen.

"Why don't you go sit down and finish your dinner." I smiled at Seb and he slid off my lap and climbed on his chair. "Thank you," I said quietly to Jace and he just shrugged and smiled as he mopped up his drink.

"So, what did you do at school today Max?" Robert asked obviously trying to bring the table back to order as Maryse sat back down. And just like that, the conversation started to flow happily again. It felt so strange like I was intruding, so I just ate quietly listening to them all talk happily.


	8. Chapter 8

Once dinner was over Max and Seb ran off to play, while everyone carried their plates into the kitchen and placed them on the side. Alec, Jace, and Izzy started to head out the door.

"Come on Clary." Izzy smiled at me. I looked up to see them all standing there waiting for me. I looked at Maryse, as I placed my plate on the side. At home, it was my job to wash up and put away after dinner.

"Its fine, go ahead." She smiled as she pulled open a dishwasher and started to load. I followed Izzy and the others upstairs and into what must be Jace and Alec's room. It was the same layout as Izzy's except the walls were navy blue and had a couple of band posters on the walls; and where Izzy has her vanity table, the boys have a large tv and gaming system with two large navy beanbags to sit on. The room looked strange as one side of the room was messy, there were books sprawled on the floor and the bed was unmade, while the other side was neat and tidy, everything was stacked neatly on shelves and the bed was pristinely made, not a wrinkle in sight. Alec and Izzy sat on the messy bed and Jace sat on the neat one. I grabbed a beanbag and sat, not wanting to get too close. My new bruises were finally starting to hurt, or maybe I was just starting to feel them, I didn't feel as numb as this morning, my chest was starting to have a dull aching pain in it.

I was only barely paying attention to the conversation the others were having. Something about an upcoming dance.

"Clary, what do you say?" Izzy called bringing me back to the here and now.

"Huh? Sorry, what?" trying to remember what she had asked me about, but my mind was blank.

"I was asking if you wanted to come shopping for the dance with me after school tomorrow?" Izzy smiled at me

"Oh…I don't have any money." I started slightly shocked at being asked.

"Mom will give you some." Izzy smiled widely. "We have to look good for the dance." She chimed.

"I…I don't think I'm going to go," I said

"You have to come! You can't leave me with these two!" Izzy whined and gestured at Alec and Jace.

"I don't do dances," I said shaking my head frowning, thinking of all those bodies brushing against hers and shivered involuntarily at the thought.

"We'll look after you." Izzy piped in as if that fixes everything as Max came running into the room followed cautiously by Seb. They were both in Pyjamas.

"Mommy says to come say goodnight." Max smiled as he climbed onto the bed in-between Alec and Izzy. Seb walked to my side and sat on my lap, as he watched Max hug Alec, Izzy and then Jace. Maryse was standing in the doorway watching.

"Can I get a goodnight hug?" Izzy asked smiling gently at Seb holding out her arms to him. He shook his head and leaned in closer to me. Izzy nodded and lowered her arms smiling kindly.

"Come on you two, time for a bedtime story." Maryse smiled at them.

"YAY!" Max smiled and jumped off Jace's bed. "Come on Seb!" He called as he ran to the door.

Seb hugged me and looked unsure at Maryse who was waiting for him.

"Go on buddy," I smiled at him and he stood up and started to walk to the door.

"Goodnight Seb." Izzy smiled, and he waved at her shyly.

The boys coming in seemed to be the perfect distraction and got me out of arguing about going to this dance as Alec started talking about the upcoming football game. Apparently, he and Jace were both on the football team, how did I not know this? Izzy sat filing her nails listening half-heartedly to their conversation like this was a norm for them all, just sitting and talking like friends. I felt a pang of envy at how easy life seemed for them.

After a little while, Seb walked into the room, his dinosaur teddy tucked under his arm and the guitar in his hands. It was nearly as big as him. he looked at me and frowned.

"You forgot my song!" he frowned at me sadly and I heard someone laugh, Jace I think.

"You had a story." I sighed at him, I was starting to feel the drain of not having slept last night.

"I want my song. Please, Clary."

"Ok. Come on." I sighed, and I got up and took the guitar from Seb.

"Bed. Go." I said. he smiled happily at me as he ran out of the room with me following him. He jumped into bed and got under the covers as I settled on the end of his bed. Max was watching curiously from his bed. I heard movement from the door and I knew someone had followed me in, I glanced and saw Jace leaning against the wall next to the door while Izzy stood next to him and Alec in the doorway. Izzy smiled at me and I could feel myself blush. I turned back to Seb trying to forget they were all there.

"OK, one song." I sighed at Seb. "What song did you want?" Seb tapped his chin thinking and I couldn't help but smile at him, he could be so cheeky.

"Soldier." Seb smiled finally. I nodded, he loved that song. It was from Gavin Degraw. I started to strum the tune. and finally started to sing.

Where did all the people go?  
They got scared when the lights went low.  
I'll get you through it nice and slow,  
When the world's spinning out of control.

Afraid of what they might lose  
Might get scraped or they might get bruised.  
You could beg them, what's the use?  
That's why it's called a moment of truth

I'll get it if you need it,  
I'll search if you don't see it,  
You're thirsty, I'll be rain,  
You get hurt, I'll take your pain.

I know you don't believe it,  
But I said it and I still mean it,  
When you heard what I told you,  
When you get worried I'll be your soldier.

Funny when times get hard,  
At the last moment when you're supposed to charge,  
Always on the longest yard,  
Oh, they feel their feet getting cold.

Hiding here, hiding there,  
Find them underneath the stairs,  
People hiding everywhere,  
Trying to be still like a stone.

I'll get it if you need it,  
I'll search if you can't see it,  
You're thirsty, I'll be rain,  
You get hurt, I'll take your pain.

I know you don't believe it,  
But I said it and I still mean it,  
When you heard what I told you,  
When you get worried I'll be your soldier.

My aim is so true,  
I wanna show you,  
I'll try forever,  
I'm never gonna say "surrender".

I'll get it if you need it,  
I'll search if you can't see it,  
You're thirsty, I'll be rain,  
You get hurt, I'll take your pain.

I know you don't believe it,  
But I said it and I still mean it,  
When you heard what I told you,  
When you get worried I'll be your soldier.

I looked down at Seb just as I was finishing the song, and couldn't help but smile, he had fallen asleep. Then I heard someone clapping and I turned to see it was Izzy, she was beaming at me, so was Jace; even Alec had a smile on his face. I felt myself blush again as I stood to leave.

"That was incredible Clary." Izzy smiled as she walked into our room, flicking on the light as she went.

"Thanks." I smiled shyly as I sat on my bed, sitting with my back against the wall. Izzy sat cross-legged on her bed looking at me.

"Do you play often?" Izzy asked as Alec and Jace walked in.

I shook my head, "No, only for Seb…well once for my best friend's band, but that's it." I said as Alec slouched on the bed next to Izzy

"Why only once?" Jace asked as he sat down next to me.

"It was a favour because their lead singer was sick," I said.

"your friend has a band?" Izzy asked intrigued. "Are they any good?"

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah, they are getting really good since Magnus and Jordan joined. Though their skills at naming the band are pretty terrible." I smiled "I think they are called rock solid panda now…trust me that's one of the good names." I smiled rolling my eyes thinking of Simon and Jace laughed.

"how come you're not in the band?" Izzy asked

"I'm more into my art than singing." I shrugged.

"So how long have you been singing Seb to sleep?" Jace asked.

"Since he was about 6 months old. His favourite musical toy had been broken and Simon was there practicing his guitar; and he just fell asleep to it. So, I ended up taking him to the band rehearsals with me and it just kind of went from there."

"You took your brother out on your own when he was a baby?" Alec said shocked. "How old were you?"

"I was 11." I said resting my head against the wall. "My mom used to work nights, so I use to come home from school, pick Seb up and go around Simon's…It beat being at home." I shrugged

"So, you pretty much raised your brother." Izzy said shocked.

"What about your dad?" Alec asked, and I felt my stomach twist

"No way I was leaving Seb with him." I simply said

"We saw what happened on the news this evening," Izzy said tenderly. "Did you know he got away? Police said he fled before they could capture him."

My head snapped to her and to my surprise and there's I laughed.

"Of course, he did. Surrendering is a weakness." I said bitterly. "Heaven forbid he shows any of that." I leaned my head against the wall again and gazed at the ceiling. So, the world knows, everyone now knows his name, Valentine Morgenstern. He lives up to the name he carries; I think he'd give Lucifer a run for his money. How stupid was I to think I was finally free of him? Izzy had started up a conversation with Alec about something letting me sit in silence with my thoughts. After a while, there was a knock at the door and Maryse walked in. "It's getting late guys, time for bed." She smiled at us all. The boys said their goodnights and headed out followed by Maryse. I grabbed some pyjamas out of my bag and headed to the bathroom, not wanting to change in front of Izzy. I was grateful that the light was off when I came back in, hiding the bruises that my strappy top didn't cover.

"Goodnight Clary," Izzy called as I crawled into bed.

"Night Izzy," I said quietly staring at the ceiling praying my brain would let me sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

'Today you become a woman Clarissa,'

He sneered as he grabs hold of my waist pulling me closer to him.

his breath drenching me in stale alcohol.

His hands exploring my body,

'It's time to teach you some respect'

suddenly I'm 8 years old

and I'm strapped to a dining chair with my back showing.

I see the buckle shine in the kitchen light as he swings it.

Again, and again.

Blood dripping from the buckle.

No! Stop! Please Stop!

"CLARY! CLARY WAKE UP!"

I started awake just as the door of our room flew open and Jace comes rushing in followed by Maryse. The bedside table light was on, Izzy was standing next to my bed looking panicked. "You were screaming," Izzy said sadly,

"Sorry," I said still dazed from the dream, I wiped my face and realised I had been crying. "I'm fine. I didn't mean to wake anyone." I said as I sat up trying to regain myself.

"By the angel." Maryse gasped, her eyes going wide. I frowned confused and looked down to see the light shining over my bruises that covered my upper arms, shoulders, and back. I quickly pulled the sheet up covering the best I could, but I knew they had all seen. I saw Jace's hand clench into a fist.

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep." I said when no one moved. Maryse finally nodded and ushered Jace out, closing the door behind her. Izzy warily climbed back into bed. she turned the light off when I laid back down.

I lay there, staring at the ceiling for hours, with nothing but my memories running around in my head. I kept checking my phone for the time, 1:30…2:15…2:37…3AM; I finally couldn't take anymore. I got out of bed, and quietly went downstairs, grabbing my hoodie on the way and slinging it over my shoulder. I wander into the kitchen and nearly had a heart attack. There stood at the open fridge was Jace. In pyjama bottoms and a wife beater.

"Jesus!" I cried startled when I saw him dropping my hoodie on the floor

"Nope just me." He smirked over his shoulder at me.

"I didn't think anyone else would be up," I muttered picking up my hoodie as Jace closed the fridge and started pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

"Do you want a glass?" He asked glancing at me, his eyes wandering to my bare shoulders.

"Sure, thanks," I said as I shoved my hoodie on. Jace looked like he wanted to say something but thought better of it as he placed the jug of orange juice back into the fridge. I sat down on one of the breakfast bar stools and took a sip of my juice. It felt so nice going down. My throat was sore, I must have been screaming badly in my dream. I shivered at the thought.

"You cold?" Jace asked seeing me shiver as he came and sat down next to me. I shook my head and took another sip.

"So, are you normally up at stupid o'clock?" I asked glancing at Jace

"I'm a light sleeper…and I normally get up early, but to answer your question no, I'm not normally up this early." He smirked at me. "You?"

"No. I couldn't sleep." I said looking down at the glass in my hand. Jace nodded staring at his juice. "He's not just going to forget about me and Seb…he'll be back." I gushed not realising why I was saying it.

"He won't lay a hand on you ever again," Jace said with sheer determination in his voice gazing at me.

My stomach twisted at his gaze and I had to look away "I'm…I'm sorry I woke you." I sighed

"It's not your fault Clary." He said.

"I guess my brain didn't get the memo of one day at a time," I said and Jace laughed making me smile.

"you have a beautiful smile." Jace suddenly said gazing at me. I felt myself blush, my heart fluttered, and I looked away.

"So, what do you normally do when you get up early?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"I'll show you," Jace smirked. "Come on," he said and slid off the stool, I followed, and he opened a door near the entrance to the kitchen and flicked a switch. It was some stairs going down to what looked like the basement. He opened the door at the bottom and we were in a huge gym. It had everything, from a treadmill, to weights, to a boxing bag hanging from the ceiling.

"Wow," I said taking it all in.

"I know, it's my favourite room in the house." Jace smiled as he headed over to the stereo and turned it on. I frowned, surely it will wake everyone up. "It's soundproof down here." He said answering my thought.

He wandered around the gym deep in thought. I just watched him. he was stunning to look at, his muscles tight in all the right places. I would love to draw him.

I wonder what those hands would feel like on my skin? the thought shocked me. I normally shy away from any contact so why am I thinking of being touched by Jace?

 

**JPOV**

 

I looked at Clary standing there in pyjama bottoms and a hoodie, and a memory of her bruises flashed into my mind. How could someone do that to her, I wanted to make them pay for touching her, for causing her pain. she was so small and delicate. she shouldn't have to fear that someone is going to hurt her. she shouldn't fear being touched.

"Do you know how to fight Clary?" I suddenly asked

"What?" she said looking confused. "I don't go around punching people if that's what you mean." She said, and I couldn't help but smile.

"I mean do you know any self-defence?" I asked as I started to walk towards her.

"No, Why?"

I was suddenly standing so close to her. God, I wanted to touch her, I want to stroke that loose piece of hair out of her face. But I know I couldn't, she didn't seem to like being touched, and I wanted her to trust me, not be afraid.

"I could teach you how to fight." I said sincerely, "That way, no one will be able to touch you again, not if you don't want them too."

I won't touch her, not unless she wants me too, I added silently to myself, as I gazed down at those beautiful green eye, god please want me too.

"OK." She breathed, and I couldn't help but smile at her.

God, she was beautiful. Jeez! Get a grip, Jace! You're here to help her. so, stop drooling and help her! I dragged my eyes away from hers, and went over to the cabinet and grabbed some boxing gloves and pads. I smiled at Clary's curious look when I walked back to her. I handed her the gloves and I put on the punch pads.

Clary was a natural and picked it up fast. She had put her hair up, to keep it off her neck but she was clearly hot in that hoodie.

"Why don't you take the hoodie off?" I said kindly as I went and grabbed us both a bottle of water from the mini fridge in the corner. "you're obviously hot in it." She looked at me warily. "It's just me and I'm not going to say anything…and if I do you can punch me." I smiled the last part and it made her give me a small laugh. She looked unsure at me one more time before sighing. She turned away from me to pull off her hoodie, her strappy top rose up as she pulled the jumper over her head; I could see more bruises on her lower back, some were fading, and some were freshly made. So, they were clearly from different beatings. Though they all seemed to have the same oval shape to them. she turned, and I smiled reassuringly at her as I handed her a bottle of water.

"I think we've done enough punching for today, I think we should start on your kicks," I said trying to make her feel more relaxed.

"So, does that me I can kick you if you say something that annoys me." She smiled, and I laughed.

"You'll have to catch me first." I beamed at her and she rolled her eyes at me, but she was smiling.

She was starting to relax with me, letting her true self shine through, and I liked what I saw. We had just started on integrating kicks and punches together when the door to the gym opened.

"There you are!" Izzy huffed, "I've been looking for you everywhere when you weren't in bed when I woke up." She said to Clary walking towards her. then she seemed to see me. she looked back and forth from me and Clary taking in our appearances. We were both sweaty from all the practice.

"What are you doing?" Izzy asked, "How long have you guys been down here?"

"Jace is teaching me to fight," Clary said and took a sip of water. "What time is it?" she asked

"just gone 6:30," Izzy answered

"Wow." I said shocked, "Yeah I think we're done for the day." I laughed, and Clary laughed too, clearly shocked at the time as well.

Izzy put her hands on her hips watching us, I could see the little cogs of her mind working behind those big brown eyes of hers.


	10. Chapter 10

**CPOV**

The workout with Jace had been good. It had not only taught me some stuff, but it had helped me work off a lot of my pent-up anger and frustration. Izzy was still looking at me and Jace funnily when we came into the kitchen.

"Oh, there you are." Maryse smiled at us as we entered the kitchen. Her eyebrows raised slightly at the sight of me and Jace and my stomach twisted. I had left my hoodie in the gym. Crap.

"Breakfast will be ready in half an hour if you want to wash up first." She smiled.

Jace leaned close to me, "Dibs on the shower first." He smiled into my ear. I laughed at his challenge. I saw Maryse watching our interaction surprised and Izzy just had a grin on her face.

"You wish." I laughed and ran. He laughed and chased me up the stairs to the bathroom. I reached it first and stuck my tongue out at him childishly as I closed the door. I heard him laugh at me and I couldn't help the huge grin spreading across my face.

I quickly showered and dressed in jeans and ¾ length sleeved top. Izzy gave me some of her knee-high boots to wear as all I had were my sneakers. I left my hair down as it helped cover the bruises on my neck. Izzy had insisted on putting some makeup on to cover my bruised cheek, and I must admit it did look better afterwards. I grabbed my phone and shoved it in my school bag and headed down to breakfast with Izzy. Jace was already sitting at the table freshly showered and dressed talking happily with Alec, he smiled at us as we sat down. It was waffles and fresh fruit for breakfast this morning. Do they always eat like this? Maryse came in after a few moments with a fully dressed Seb and Max.

"Hey, Clary." Seb smiled at me as he came and sat next to me.

"Hey, bud." I smiled at him and helped him fill his plate. Maryse spotted my bag hanging on my chair.

"Are you going to school today Clary?" She asked gently, and I nodded with a mouthful of waffle. "Are you sure you're up for it? You don't have to rush things."

"might as well start somewhere." I shrugged. "I know everyone probably knows by now…and I can't hide here forever. The quicker I face it, the quicker I can move on." I took a sip of my juice, "Besides it'll be good to see my friends."

"Ouch! So, we're not friends?" Jace said mockingly putting his hand on his heart. Izzy and I laughed at him, making him smile. Alec rolled his eyes at Jace with a small smile on his face.

"Don't worry mom, we'll look after her." Izzy smiled at her mom.

"And besides, if they annoy her, she can just punch them. she has a mean right hook." Jace smiled and I rolled my eyes at him. Maryse just smiled and nodded.

"What about you Seb? Did you want to go to school today?" Maryse asked him

"Yeah, come to school Seb." Max chimed in excitedly.

Seb looked at me then at Maryse. "Ok." He shrugged and took a mouthful of waffle, making Izzy laugh.

Before long it was time for the school bus. I grabbed my bag as Jace, Alec and Izzy grabbed there's and was heading towards the door

"Clary," Maryse called and I turned to see her walking up to me with her purse in her hand. She pulled out some money and held it out to me. I just looked at her confused. "For lunch," she said registering my confused look.

"Oh, that's ok, I don't really eat lunch," I said, pushing my bag strap up my shoulder.

"Don't be silly, you need to eat something," Maryse said

"I'll take it." Jace smiled coming up next to me. Maryse rolled her eyes at him.

"You should still have some money for lunch." She said pointedly at Jace

"Just take it, or she'll never let you leave," Jace whispered into my ear. I rolled my eyes at him and took the money to the sheer relief of Maryse.

"OK, I'm ready!" Seb called running up to me with his shoes and coat on, and his school bag on his back.

"yeah, you are." He fist bumped me with a smile on his face, proud of himself. It was always an issue getting him ready to leave for school on time. "But I'm not taking you today bud."

He frowned at me confused. I always took him to school and picked him up. "I'm going to be taking you Seb, with Max." Maryse smiled at him kindly

"But I'll see you when I get back from school, ok." I smiled at his confused look, kissed his head goodbye and headed to the door, Jace following close behind me, Alec and Izzy already waiting for us there. Max and Seb stood at the door waving us all goodbye as we got on the bus, before Maryse was ushering them into the car. As soon as I walked onto the bus the stares and whispers started. I sighed keeping my head down and followed Izzy to the next available seats. Izzy sat next to Alec and I sat in the chair in front of them followed by Jace.

"would you like a picture? It lasts longer." Jace said to the crowd of staring eyes and they all suddenly busied themselves with something, but the whispering continued. I gave Jace a grateful smile and he just shrugged as he turned in his seat, as Alec started to talk to him as the bus drove on.

We got to the steps to the entrance of school when I froze. I felt my heart start to quicken and my anxiety levels started to rise.

"You've got this." Izzy smiled at me confidently as she came and stood next to me. I smiled at her and took a steady breath before nodding and heading up the stairs. I spotted Simon, talking to Magnus and Eric, another band member, next to his locker. I walked up to them and Simon spotted me out the corner of his eye.

"Clary!" he gasped and pulled me into a tight hug and I hugged him tightly back. I'd missed him more than I realised. He finally released me holding me at arm's length and looked at me, examining me for injuries I'm sure. I saw Jace frowning confused out the corner of my eye, and I followed his gaze to Simon's hand on my arm, and I understood. He knew I didn't like to be touched. Simon was the one person I knew before all this started with my dad, I trusted him with my life. Simon and Seb were the only people I felt comfortable with touching me. Magnus gave me a flick of his fingers to say hello and Eric just nodded at me.

"Who are they? Your bodyguards?" Magnus smiled looking at Alec,

"Oh." I said as I stepped out of Simons touch. "This is Alec, Isabelle and Jace…Seb and I are staying with them for now." I turned to Izzy and the others. "Guys this is Eric, Magnus and Simon." I introduced, Alec was looking at Magnus intrigued, and I couldn't blame him. Magnus was wearing one of his usual outfits, that consisted of black jeans and a red and gold patterned shirt. He wore his hair spiked with red highlights in it. He had on black eyeliner and nail polish and several rings on his fingers. Magnus was extremely open about himself being bisexual, he was so confident in his himself as a person, I envied him for that, but I was happy for him.

Simon was looking slightly wide-eyed at Isabelle as he pushed his glasses up his nose. A clear indication he was attracted to her; well she was beautiful in her tight jeans and tight red top, showing off her stomach and shoulders, her long black hair flowing down her back. I rolled my eyes at him as the bell sounded for class. We all split up and headed for our classes. It turned out I had Izzy in my maths and English. She sat at the desk next to mine in both classes while everyone around us whispered and stared throughout. she finally said goodbye to me sadly as we had separate classes next. She had history and I had my favourite class of the day, art. The art teacher Miss Thompson was cool, she never complained when I put my headphones in to listen to music while I drew. Shutting out the world.

"Wow, Clary I really love the shading, and the use of only the colour of the light." Miss Thompson smiled examining my picture I had drawn. I hadn't started out with a purpose but looking at the picture I felt emptiness. The emptiness I felt inside expressed on the canvas. It was a black and white drawing of a small girl facing away. Standing alone on an empty street in the beam of a streetlight. The bell rang indicating lunchtime. I sighed not looking forward to all the prying eyes. I wish I could just go back to being invisible in a crowd.


	11. Chapter 11

**JPOV**

I sat at our usual table with Alec and Izzy. I haven't seen Clary since this morning and I was feeling antsy. Since when had I become infatuated with her? The bell had rung for the start of lunch almost five minutes ago, I had seen Simon come in with Magnus, but still no Clary. Where is she? I was just about to stand up mumbling something about getting some food to Alec and Izzy, though food was the last thing on my mind right now. When I saw her fiery red hair out of the corner of my eye. I felt myself relax at the sight of her. she had her head down as she joined the queue for food, obviously trying to avoid the stares that seemed to follow her, and she had her headphones in to block everything out.

Before I knew it, I had started to walk towards her. I saw a bunch of guys from the Lacrosse team line up behind her, eyeing her and laughing about something, before one of them broke from the group to walk up to her, I think his name was matt. she pulled her headphones out as she saw him.

"You can cry on my shoulder anytime." He leered at her as he put his arm around her shoulders. I saw her flinch and shake her head scared. I saw red.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER!" I said angrily as I grabbed the back of his jacket pulling him off.

"What the hell man!" he said regaining himself and coming up to me, to stand off ready to fight. He was about my height and built like a truck, but I knew I could take him. I saw Clary come to my side out of the corner of my eye.

"Jace leave it, he's not worth it," Clary said looking at me. I knew the whole cafeteria was watching. Alec and Izzy and even Simon and Magnus had come up behind us. I shrugged at Matt as if to say that Clary was right, he wasn't worth it and turned to her. Matt laughed

"forget this jerk gorgeous. I could show you a good time." He leered at Clary, clearly undressing her with his eyes. Clary turned to him, Matt smiled at her and before I knew what was happening Clary swung and punched him straight in the face. I couldn't help laughing. Matt fell to the floor from the force and shock of being punched by a girl.

"Well, you said if they annoyed me, I could punch them." She shrugged smiling at me making me laugh again,

"I thought you said you didn't go around punching people." I laughed as she looked back at Matt shaking her hand,

"That felt good." She smiled at me, her eyes alight.

"What the hell Clary." Simon laughed. Izzy was smiling, she looked from Clary to me, Alec looked shocked and Magnus looked impressed.

"I told you she had a mean right hook." I beamed at Izzy and she laughed, rolling her eyes at me as we all turned and headed back to our table. The cafeteria alight with what had just happened. The table was a circle and to my delight, Clary sat down next to me, Alec was on my other side, then Magnus and Simon and finally Izzy sat in between Clary and Simon.

"Where did you learn to do that?" Simon asked Clary, clearly still shocked.

"Jace is teaching her how to defend herself," Izzy said proudly.

"Yeah, that was lesson one. Don't annoy Clary." I smiled, and Clary laughed blushing. "How's your hand?" I asked her. she turned her hand over on the table, it didn't look like she had done any damage to it. Her arm brushed up against mine as she put her hand down on the table, and she didn't flinch away from it, she left it there. I couldn't help but smile.

 

**CPOV**

 

"you've only been there a day. When did you find time to learn that?" Simon asked watching me carefully.

"The lightwoods have their own gym, and neither of us could sleep, so Jace offered to teach me," I explained, hyperaware of my arm touching Jace's, I don't know why it didn't make me recoil, it felt warm, like heat was radiating out from Jace's touch through my body. It was a feeling I've never felt before, and I liked it. I glanced sideways at Jace to see if he had noticed or if he felt anything, he had a smile playing on his lips.

"What time did you guys actually start practice?" Izzy asked curiously. "They were still practising at 6:30 this morning." She smiled at Simon.

"Err, I think it was about 3ish." I said looking at the line for food, "I'm going to grab a drink. Any of you want anything?" I asked the table and got requests for several drinks and items of food, I nodded trying to remember everything as I stood up, reluctantly moving my arm away from Jace's.

"I'll give you a hand," Jace said as he stood up and followed me to the line. He stood very close to me in the line.

"so, you think Maryse is going to be pissed when I get called to the principle for punching that idiot?" I asked watching Izzy, Simon, Alec and Magnus chatting happily, who would have thought my two worlds would join so easily.

"I think she'll be impressed, that guy was big," Jace said as he turned, and his bicep brushed against my shoulder, I didn't move away and that smile played on his lips again. "I know I was," he said gazing at me smiling, I felt myself blush.

"Thanks for pulling him off me by the way." I smiled shyly at him. the queue moved.

"your welcome." He smiled as he leaned over and grabbed one of the items we needed and placed on the tray. We ended up needing two trays and everyone grabbed their stuff like vultures as we set them on the table. It felt good to do something as normal as sit and chat with friends. I stole one of Jace's chips and he gave me a horrified look making me laugh, before smiling and passing me another one.

The rest of the day seemed to fly by and to my surprise, I wasn't called to the principle for punching Matt. Jace and Alec had football practice after school, so Izzy and I got a lift home with Simon and Magnus. Izzy started talking to Magnus about the upcoming dance and I found out it was the winter formal dance the school holds every year.

Izzy opened the door to her house and we all walked in as she shouted, "Mom we're home!" and slung her bag down, I did the same as Seb came running into the foyer, followed close by Max

"Simon! Magnus!" he smiled at them

"Hey, little man!" Simon smiled at him.

"They've multiplied." Magnus smiled spotting Max, and me and Izzy both laughed.

"This is my little brother Max." Izzy laughed. "Max this is Simon and Magnus." She introduced him

"There in a really cool band," Seb explained to Max excitedly.

"You can come to our gigs anytime kid," Magnus smirked at Seb making us all laugh again.

"Yeah, but your band name sucks," Seb added making Magnus laugh.

"What's all the laughing about." Maryse smiled as she came into the foyer.

"Mom this is Simon and Magnus." Izzy introduced again "They're going to hang out here for a while."

"YAY!" Seb smiled. "They have a piano and a guitar here," Seb said excitedly to Magnus and Simon. "Can I show them?" he turned and asked Maryse who was smiling at him.

"I think that's an excellent idea Seb." Izzy smiled at him, "I want to see what all this fuss is about your band." She added smiling at Magnus and Simon. I couldn't help but laugh as Izzy led the way to the music room.

"Well we're missing our drummer and lead singer, so you can't really call us our band." Magnus smiled as he eyed the grand piano with delight. Izzy sat on the large loveseat I hadn't noticed last time and indicated for me to follow as Magnus and Simon got ready. Seb and Max sat on the floor watching excitedly.


	12. Chapter 12

**JPOV**

  
Practice had seemed to last forever, I couldn't stop thinking about Clary and I couldn't wait to get home to see her. I wanted to see if she'd let me touch her again. I wanted to see that breath-taking smile she has.  
"What's with you today?" Alec asked as we changed after practice  
"What do you mean?" I said pretending I didn't know what he was talking about.  
"You've been distracted all practice."  
"Just tired, I didn't sleep last night," I said, and Alec gave me a disbelieving look, but he didn't push it thankfully.  
Dad was waiting in the parking lot for us.  
"Hey, we have to stop and get dinner on the way home," Robert said as Alec and I climbed in the car.  
"How come mom's not cooking?" Alec asked as dad started to drive.  
"Izzy and Clary have some friends round, so mom thought takeout would be easier," Robert said.  
"Who do they have round?" Alec asked,  
"I don't know, I've not been home yet from work, I just got a call from mom to say pick up the food on the way home." Robert shrugged, and Alec gave me a wondering look.  
"probably Simon and Magnus, Izzy said they were walking home with them," I suggested, wishing dad would speed up so I could get home to see Clary. Thankfully mom had already phoned up and ordered the food, so it was ready when we got there.  
As soon as we opened the front door, I could hear music and laughing. Alec and I quickly dumped the food on the counter in the kitchen and followed the noise.  
There was Clary, smiling happily. Izzy was swaying happily to the music next to her. the music was coming from Simon on guitar and Magnus on piano, they were pretty good. Seb and Max were laughing, and dancing and Clary and Magnus were singing.  
"Jace! Alec" Max smiled seeing us standing in the doorway and motioned for us to come and join them. My eyes went back to Clary who was looking at me smiling and my legs seemed to have a mind of their own, I was walking towards her. I sat on the arm of the seat next to her.  
"We're having a mini gig." Izzy laughed at Alec's inquisitive look as he sat on the arm next to her. "Clary's lead singer because their singer isn't here." She smiled proudly at Clary who rolled her eyes at Izzy blushing and laughing.  
"Magnus is singing too." Clary smiled shyly  
"Ok here's one for you Clary." Magnus smiled and started to play the tune.  
"SUPERMAN!" Seb Said happily recognising the tune. "YAY! Sing it, Clary." He jumped in excitement. I couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm.  
"Your fans want to hear you sing." I laughed at her. She rolled her eyes and pushed me off the arm of the sofa laughing. She touched me. I beamed at her as I sat back down.  
"You ready Clary." Simon smiled at her eyeing her interaction with me suspiciously. She nodded, and Magnus started playing again. Clary stamped her foot making the beat as she started to sing. She always looked so free when she sings. God, she was beautiful, sitting there singing and swaying like she has no cares in the world. And she had touched me, on her own accord, she willingly touched me. my mind was still reeling from it while trying to think of ways to touch her again. Seb was singing along to the chorus happily making Clary smile brighter and my heart fluttered at the sight of it. god, I was enamoured.

 

**CPOV**

  
Shortly after Jace and Alec arrived Maryse came in declaring dinner. There was too many of us to all sit around the table so Maryse and Robert sat watching us all from the breakfast bar. It was Chinese for dinner and it smelled and tasted delicious. Izzy was trying to teach Simon how to use chopsticks, but he wasn't getting it, in the end he dropped them and used his fingers making everyone laugh while Izzy handed him a fork with a huge smile on her face.  
I sat quietly eating, watching everyone. It had been good to forget all my problems for a while, even though that dull aching pain in my heart is constantly reminding me. I glanced at Seb who was sitting with Max talking happily. I haven't seen him smile so much for a long time, it was nice to see, he deserved to be happy. He deserves some light in his life, especially since we didn't know what was going to happen, or even where we would be in a week, a month or even a year from now. I knew the light wouldn't last; it wasn't a matter of if, but of when, he'd come for us. We were his, we belonged to him and he never let us forget it.  
After dinner Seb and Max went off to play while the rest of us hung out in Alec and Jace's room, listening to music and playing video games, chatting happily together. I was sat cross legged on Jace bed leaning against his headboard watching Simon thrash Alec in some fighting game. Izzy was sitting cross legged on Alec's bed with Magnus next to her. Jace sat on the end of his bed leaning against the wall. Izzy was talking animatedly to Magnus about the upcoming dance. Magnus loves parties.  
"Tell her Magnus that she has to come to the dance." Izzy said pointing to me.  
"No way, I don't want to be going to the dance with a black eye thanks." Magnus smiled making Izzy and Jace laugh. I just smiled and rolled my eyes at him.  
"I don't even know if I'm going to be here then Izzy." I smiled at her, "Mary said Seb and I were only here for a few days." I shrugged hating to burst her bubble. Izzy frowned at this piece of news and I saw Jace look at me from the corner of my eye.  
"No, way!" Izzy suddenly said. "Mom won't let you guys go, you're here to stay." A look of certainty on her face, and I just rolled my eyes at her.  
"I'm sure she's let others you've fostered go." I said  
"Yeah but they never clicked." Izzy said, and I looked at her confused. "You and Seb just seem to fit into our family." Izzy explained, and I smiled shyly at her. "So, Magnus who are you going to the dance with?" Izzy said clearly indicating the debate whether Seb and I were staying was over.  
"I'm going solo." Magnus said,  
"Me too," sighed Izzy and I saw her glance towards Simon.  
"OH really!" Magnus smiled clearly seeing her pointed look as well. Izzy laughed and playfully hit him on the arm.  
"What about you Jace? You asked anyone?" Izzy smiled  
"No." Jace shook his head  
"The, Jace Wayland, star of the football team doesn't have a date." Magnus said, "Now I don't feel too bad going solo." He smirked making us all laugh.  
"What's so funny?" Simon asked as he and Alec turned to join in the conversation, clearly bored of the game.  
"Oh, you know, our issues of being dateless for the dance." Magnus smiled. I could see Jace glance at me again. he's been doing that a lot lately.  
"We are so going shopping for it Saturday." Izzy said to Magnus and he nodded, "And you're coming to Clary." She looked at me, "No arguing." She smiled at me before I could argue. I rolled my eyes at her in defeat, and she bounced happily on the bed making everyone laugh.


	13. Chapter 13

Before long, we were saying goodbye to Simon and Magnus and getting ready for bed. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling praying for a quiet's night sleep. But no such luck. Izzy woke me as I had been screaming in my sleep, with Maryse and Jace rushing in again. I laid there until I was sure Izzy had fallen asleep and headed down to the gym, to let off some of the frustration and anger that had risen from the nightmare, and around 5am Jace strolled in, surprised to see me.  
This quickly became a routine; the days went by without any incidents. Keeping busy with school and friends helped me block out my thoughts and memories. But when night came, I had nothing to distract me and I would wake up screaming from a nightmare, only to come down here to blow off steam.

  
By the 3rd night, Maryse and Jace had stopped rushing in at my screaming and Izzy would simply wake me and then go straight back to sleep. Everyone was feeling the broken sleep in the morning and I felt terrible. I was constantly apologising but they all just brushed it off. So, on the 4th night I lay awake until Izzy was asleep, and I was sure everyone had gone to bed, then I snuck down to the gym. I took my pillow and grabbed the blanket off the lounge sofa on the way down. I laid down on the exercise mats and let sleep take me. I knew if I screamed this time no one would hear me.

  
"Clary!"  
I started awake and saw Jace standing over me in his exercise gear.  
"What are you doing down here?" Jace asked. I gathered the blanket and pillow as I stood up.  
"Well I was sleeping until you woke me up." I smirked at him.  
"Why?" Jace asked clearly confused as to why I chose to sleep on a hard floor instead of my bed.  
"This rooms soundproof." I shrugged and placed the pillow and blanket in the corner of the room. I saw Jace's eyebrows raise as he realised what I meant  
"You don't have to hide down here to sleep. None of us care about being woken up." Jace said walking up to me.  
"Yeah! but I care." I said frustrated. I had woken four times from the nightmares last night, and they had been worse than normal as no one was waking me up before they got too bad. I could feel all the anger and frustration from them still boiling inside me, but I was glad I wasn't waking anyone else up with my troubles. Jace was standing so close to me, I could almost feel the heat rolling off his body. He'd been doing this a lot lately, ever since I touched him, he seems to get extremely close to me whenever he can.  
"You can't sleep down here all the time." Jace said gazing down at me.  
"Why not? No one uses the gym at night." I said locked in his gaze. "Well no one except you with your stupid o'clock waking." I smirked, and he smiled. Suddenly I felt his fingertips gently stroking a loose piece of hair behind my ear. My breath caught as I waited for my body to react. But all I got was the familiar twist in my stomach I got when I was around Jace.  
"I've been wanting to do that for ages." Jace smiled as his fingers lingered on my cheek. "You're so beautiful." He breathed, I felt myself blush and broke the gaze to look down and shook my head. no, I wasn't, Isabelle was beautiful, I was just a bruised and battered mess.  
"Let's just train ok." I said as I walked away from him over to the boxing bag, I could see him frown out the corner of my eye, but I just started punching letting out all my frustration. Jace finally came up and held the bag steady for me. he was watching me, but I just focused on the bag.

  
Neither of us said much as he was teaching me how to block attacks and how to turn an attack to my advantage. It was physical, and I had to touch him to do it, but I found I was ok with it, we had started doing it where he wore pads and I just touched them, but as it came to the tackling to the floor, I had to grip him, and he had to touch me to do it. I didn't feel scared about him touching me. in fact, I liked it, every time he would touch me, I would get a warming comforting feeling rush through my body.

  
He had me pinned to the floor as he tried to teach me how to flip it, so I had the advantage. "Ok so do you know what to do?" He asked after explaining and I nodded. "Ok on 3. ready 1…2…3." I turned and twisted him like he taught me, and I finally managed to pin him. It was the first time I had managed to do it and I couldn't help but laugh as he lay under me, he beamed up at me as I stood up and he followed.  
"That was great Clary." He smiled "I told you, you could do it." he said as I handed him his bottle of water as I took a sip of mine.  
"Clary." He said making me look at him, I frowned slightly at his expression, he looked nervous.  
"What? You going to tell me you let me have that flip." I smirked  
"No. that was all you." he laughed nervously, not quite looking at me. he took a step closer. "Will you go to the winter formal with me?"  
I looked at him shocked and felt myself blush, I looked down and he stepped closer, putting his finger under my chin and raising it so I was looking at him.  
"I like you Clary. A lot! I want to be more than just friends…I'm willing to go as slow as you need me too." He said gazing at me. "You're really beautiful Clary," He smiled, and I frowned, "and I'm going to keep telling you that until you believe me, because clearly you don't at the minute." I rolled my eyes at him blushing and he stroked his fingertips across my cheek again, "Go to the formal with me." he asked again gazing at me with those wondrous golden eyes.  
"OK." I breathed before I even really realised what I had said, but as I looked at him I knew it was what I wanted.  
"Really?" He beamed at me and I smiled and nodded blushing harder. His fingertips stroked my cheek, his thumb gently brushing against my lower lip as his eyes glanced at it and then back at me. The door of the gym opened, and both our heads snapped to it. Izzy stood there with her eyebrows raised and a smile on her face as she saw us, standing inches from each other  
"Perfect timing as always Izzy." Jace laughed as the hand that was on my face stroked down my arm.  
"Uh huh, and what are you two up to? Because that doesn't look like practice to me." Izzy smiled.  
I quickly stepped back, wishing I would stop blushing.  
"Is there something you wanted Izzy?" Jace asked ignoring Izzy's question, it was Saturday, so we didn't need to rush to get ready for school.  
"Err, yeah actually. Mary's here and she has a police officer with her." She said awkwardly


	14. Chapter 14

I rushed upstairs, and found Mary and the officer standing in the kitchen with Robert. Seb was just walking into the kitchen with Maryse staring warily as he saw them.  
"Seb!" I called putting my arm out and he ran straight to me and I picked him up. Izzy stood on one side of me and Jace on the other.  
"Do we have to go Clary?" Seb asked looking at Mary and the officer.  
"I don't know buddy." I said, "Do we?" I asked looking at Mary.  
"This place was only meant to be temporary, until we found you both a more permanent place to stay." Mary said sadly then she looked from Seb to me.  
"I don't want to go. I like it here." Seb frowned. "Tell her we like it here Clary, we don't want to go."  
"so, should we go and pack?" I asked, my thoughts echoing what Seb had said, I didn't want to go. I felt Jace and Izzy both stiffen beside me.  
Mary put her hands up, "We're not here to take you Clarissa…not right now…we're here because officer needs to talk to you."  
I eyed her suspiciously. "Seb go with Izzy." I said passing him to her  
"No! Clary!" He whined trying to cling to me.  
"Seb!" I said sternly making him look at me. "unbreakable remember?" I said looking him in those beautiful green eyes. "Go play with Max, I'll see you in a minute ok." He nodded and willingly went to Izzy who looked at me worried before taking Seb the long way upstairs, the furthest away from Mary. Once he was out of sight I turned and glared at Mary.  
"Why don't we go and sit down." Maryse said clearly feeling the tension rolling off me and led the way into the lounge. I let Mary, Robert and the officer follow Maryse first, I felt Jace stroke my back in a comforting way and I gave him a small smile before heading into the lounge.  
"Err, young man maybe you could give us a minute." Mary said as Jace sat down next to me on the sofa opposite her and the officer. Maryse sat the opposite side of me and Robert sat on the arm of the sofa next to Maryse, placing a comforting hand on Maryse's back.  
"I'm here for Clary. I'll leave if she asks." He said determinedly  
"What's this about." I asked sitting on the edge of my seat.  
"This is officer Jamieson, you met him the night of the incident." Mary introduced, and the brown eyed, brown haired middle-aged man nodded his hello kindly. I don't remember him.  
"He needs to ask you a few questions about that night Clary." Mary said softly, "Is that ok?" so this was why they were here, now I was talking, they wanted all the details. I shivered involuntarily and nodded.  
"We'll start with some background questions before we talk about that night. If that's ok." Officer Jamieson finally spoke. I just nodded. "I'm going to have to record this Clarissa ok."  
"Ok." I felt the darkness closing in and I took a steadying breath as he placed a voice recorder onto the coffee table.  
"OK simple question to start with Clarissa. Who lived in your house with you and their names?"  
"Me, my little brother Seb…Sebastian, my mom Jocelyn and my dad Valentine." I spat the last name.  
"And was it just your father who was abusive?" I glared at the officer, they were really going to make me spill it all. He just looked at me waiting for me to answer.  
"yes. Mom never hit us." I said feeling the need to defend her.  
"And how old were you when your father first hit you?"  
I sighed, can I really do this? "He's always been strict with rules, but I was 7 when he first hit me." I finally sighed.  
"And how often was that?"  
I couldn't help the sarcastic laugh from escaping me. "What kind of question is that? You think I tallied my disciplines?" I shook my head. "It was only the occasional time at first and by the time I was 8 they were nearly every day." I said through gritted teeth.  
"I see," he said and jotted something down in his notebook. "And was it just his hand he used to hit you with?" my head snapped up to him.  
"By the look on your face, you already know the answer to that question." I said venomously.  
Jamieson looked at me and sighed, before grabbing something out of his bag. It was a see through plastic bag, and inside curled up was the belt. I sat up ramrod straight at the sight of it. I felt, Maryse, Robert and Jace all stiffen at the sight of the belt as well. They had all seen my bruises by now.  
"We found this at the scene." Jamieson said watching my reaction. "Do you recognise it?" I nodded. "You have to speak for the recorder Clarissa." He said sounding slightly sad.  
"Yes." I breathed, "It's…" I felt Jace move next to me and suddenly felt his hand in mine. He gently squeezed it. I vaguely registered Maryse's surprised look as I laid our hands on my lap. "It's my dad's belt."  
"Has he ever hit you with this?"  
"Yes." I couldn't take my eyes off the belt.  
"When's the first time he used this Clarissa?" Jamieson asked, and the memories all came crashing back.  
"My 8th birthday." I breathed, a memory of my nightmare flashed through my mind. "I'd…I'd been playing soccer in the back yard with my best friend Simon. Simon had kicked the ball and it had smashed the kitchen window…my dad had come out looking mad, so I told him it was me, so he wouldn't be mad at Simon. He sent Simon home and dragged me into the kitchen." The memory playing out in my head like it was yesterday.  
"What did he do Clarissa?" Jamieson urged  
"He…he tied me backwards to the dining chair and lifted my top up so my back was showing…he took his belt off and hit me with it 8 times because it was my 8th birthday and I needed to learn respect." I felt a tear escape and quickly wiped it away. I couldn't bare to look up to see people's faces, so I just stared at the belt.  
"and he would do that often?" Jamieson asked softly  
"When I needed to learn respect." I said nodding  
"Did he ever use the belt on your brother?"  
"He was still little. I protected him the best I could." I said, and another tear escaped. "He didn't use the belt, just his fists on Seb…but he made him watch." I stuttered  
"Watch what Clarissa.?"  
"he made him watch me getting the belt." I stuttered trying to regain some control. I tried to ball my hands into a fist and realised Jace's hand was still in mine. I stared at it.  
"And when's the last time he used the belt on you Clarissa?"  
And here we were at the real reason they were here.  
"The night he killed my mother." I said bitterly.  
"Can you tell me what happened that night Clarissa."  
I looked up to the ceiling and took a steadying breath as I closed my eyes, the memories started playing in my mind.  
"Him and mom were fighting again…I don't know what about" I said and looked at the belt again, but I only saw that night. "I was in my room, Seb came running in like I taught him to when he heard shouting…I heard something smash and my mom scream, so I told Seb to hide in my closet, like he normally does when there fighting...and I went to check on mom. She was on the floor surrounded by glass and her lip was bleeding. Dad hadn't seen me, but he saw my mom look at me. he was drunk. I could smell it on him, he…he had his hands on me…all over me as he kissed my neck." I felt Jace stiffen next to me, "I…I pushed him off me and he got angry. He then took his belt off and started hitting me with it. I didn't scream. It makes it worse if you scream…Mom tried to pull him off me and he hit her, but he stopped hitting me. I had fallen on the floor and when I got up that's…that's when I saw he had his hands around mom's throat. She hit him over the head with something and then he…he…he swung at her with something and she froze and fell to the floor…blood…blood was pouring out onto the floor and he just stared at it." I blinked back the tears, "I must have made a noise because he suddenly looked at me and I…I just ran. I ran to my room and locked the door and tried to block the door with my drawers while I shouted at Seb to get my phone. I called 911, but they weren't going to get there in time, he was breaking the door down, so I grabbed Seb and climbed out the window." I wiped my eyes "You know the rest."  
"Has he ever sexually abused you before Clarissa?" Jamieson asked delicately  
I shook my head. "No, I think it was because I turned 16…he kept saying today you become a woman Clarissa." I said and shivered  
Everyone was staring at me not saying anything and then I remembered something Izzy had said. "He got, away didn't he?" I said looking at Jamieson.  
"Yes, I'm sorry to say he did."  
"he'll come for us. We're his property. He doesn't like not getting what is his." I said matter-of-factly  
"Your safe here Clary." Maryse said finally speaking. I just shook my head at her.  
"No. we won't be safe until he's dead." I said to her then I looked at Jamieson, "Can I go now. I want to check on Seb." And I stood up without even letting him answer and headed out the room. I made it to the bottom of the stairs before I started to shake.  
"Clary" Jace called as he caught up with me. he pulled me to him and hugged me tightly. I let him. I buried my face into his chest as I wrapped my arms around him. breathing him in, and letting the warmth of his touch calm me.


	15. Chapter 15

**JPOV**

  
I grabbed Clary and pulled her into a hug, relieved when she wrapped her arms around me willingly and I hugged her tighter. She was shaking, and her breathing had quickened like it does before she starts to panic. She had been so strong through the whole interrogation.

My mind still reeling at everything I had heard. The image of the belt curled on the table flashed into my mind. I now understood why all Clary's bruises had that weird oval shape. It was the shape of the buckle. I wonder if Simon knew what Clary's punishment had been for him breaking that window? There was still flecks of dried blood on the buckle and strap of the belt from the last time it was used.

  
He had tried to force himself on her and she had pushed him away, even though she knew it would probably make things worse. Clary was strong, even if she didn't know it. Even after everything she went through, she still found the strength to protect her brother and she never lost who she really was, not inside.

  
I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and saw Maryse ushering Mary and the officer out the front door. Her eyebrows raised as she closed the front door behind them and saw me standing there with Clary wrapped in my arms, but she didn't say anything, she just nodded and headed back into the kitchen.

  
I didn't know what was going to happen now, but one thing's for sure. I wanted to kill that son of a bitch Clary called dad for ever laying a finger on her and Seb.  
Clary had finally stopped shaking but I didn't want to let her go. It was the first time I have ever held her in my arms and it felt so good, even if the reason she was there wasn't. she fitted in my arms like they were made for her. I knew that now I could touch her, I would never want to stop. Clary started to pull out of the hug and I reluctantly let her.  
"Thanks." She said quietly looking at me shyly.  
"Anytime." I smiled at her and she gave me a small smile in return. "Come on let's go find Seb." I smiled and took her hand, not wanting to break contact with her completely and headed upstairs.

 

**CPOV**

  
It felt good to have my hand in Jace's, but I released my hand from his before entering Seb's room. I wasn't sure what was going on between us yet, and I didn't think I could take the curious looks right now. Jace had clearly said he wanted to be more than friends, but that was before he heard everything. Would he still want to now he knows how damaged I am? I know he had hugged me and it had felt amazing to be in his arms but was it just a sympathy hug? I mean who would want me? I was broken and now Jace knew exactly how badly.

  
Max and Seb were playing in the middle of the room, Seb looked like he was only half paying attention. Izzy was sat on Max's bed with Alec, who looked like he had just woken up. At the sight of Seb all the memories of dad hurting him flooded into my mind. All heads snapped to us as we entered. Seb instantly ran to me and I scooped him up into a hug. He looked at me wondering  
"Do we have to leave?" he asked me quietly  
"Not today buddy." I said to him  
"Then why are you sad?" he asked as he put a hand on my cheek frowning slightly. When I didn't say anything, he hugged me tightly. I could feel everyone watching us and I couldn't deal with it right now.  
"I'm fine Seb." I said with a steadier voice than I thought I was capable of. "Why don't you go and play, I'm going to shower." I said as I put him down. He was frowning at me as I turned and left, not looking at anyone.

I rushed into the bathroom and locked the door, I could feel my panic rising again as memories kept flashing through my mind and I turned on the shower and quickly got in. the water hit my face and I was crying. Heart wrenching sobs. I slid down to the floor and curled my knees up to my chest as everything I had been holding in since that night escaped. Letting all the memories I had been fighting off come crashing down on me. The hot water raining down on me mixing with my tears.

  
By the time I finally got out of the shower I felt lighter. The dull ache was still in my heart, but I didn't feel the darkness of my memories threatening the edges of my mind. I quickly got dressed in jeans and short sleeved top as the bruises on my arms had finally faded enough and headed downstairs. Everyone was already at the breakfast table when I walked in. Maryse smiled warmly as I sat down in my usual seat. I felt Jace watching my every move, but I didn't look at him.  
"So, mom, Me and Clary are going shopping for the formal today. So, can we please have some money?" Izzy smiled at Maryse, and I was grateful for Izzy's distraction as I grabbed some breakfast.  
Maryse smiled at her daughter and rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'll get it before you leave." she said as she took a sip of her coffee.  
"So, do you have dates for this dance?" Robert asked inquisitively, and I could tell that's where Alec gets his look from. "and should I be worried?" he added making Maryse laugh. I glanced at Jace and found him watching me, he smiled, and I felt myself blush and looked away  
"I'm going with Simon." Izzy smiled. It was true Simon had finally plucked up the courage to ask her yesterday at school, during lunch. I couldn't help but smile at Izzy, they were cute together I thought.  
"How about you Clary? Are you going with anyone?" Maryse asked kindly and I felt myself blush. To my relief the doorbell rang  
"I'll get it." I said as jumped up to leave. I saw Jace frown out the corner of my eye and I heard Robert laugh light heartedly as I left the room to answer the door. It was Magnus.  
"hey," I smiled at him letting him in.  
"you're early, aren't you?" I asked as we entered the dining room.  
"I told him to come early. Don't want all the good stuff to be gone before we get there." Izzy said as I sat back down, and I saw Magnus nod in agreement.  
"I'm going to regret going shopping with you two aren't I." I said eyeing them suspiciously and everyone laughed  
"You want to look good for your date don't you." Izzy smirked giving me a pointed look. She knew. Izzy always knew. I felt myself blush.  
"Oooo who is it?" Magnus asked intrigued, "Please tell me it's not Matt." He added making me, Izzy, Jace and Alec laugh.  
"Oh! And who is this Matt?" Robert asked intrigued by our reactions.  
"Someone Clary gave a black eye too." "Alec laughed.  
"No it's definitely not Matt." I smiled at Magnus then looked at Izzy, "So you ready to go?" Izzy looked at me questioningly then nodded.  
"Hang on! When did Clary give someone a black eye?" Robert asked looking around the table for answers.  
"It was my first day back at school since I came here." I sighed as I stood with my breakfast dishes. "he was being a jerk and was way out of line… so I punched him." I shrugged and walked into the kitchen leaving Robert and Maryse looking shocked.  
"I'm just going to grab some shoes." I said to Izzy as she entered the kitchen.

I rushed upstairs to my room. I checked my appearance in the mirror one more time. My hair was wild, and I decided to quickly put it up in a high ponytail, before heading to the closet to grab some of Izzy's boots, she had been very clear I was to wear any I wanted, when I wanted. It was the only thing we were both the same size in.

I had just sat on the bed to pull them on when I spotted Jace. He was leaning in the doorway with his arms folded across his chest. he walked over to me as I stood up.  
"What was that all about?" Jace asked looking down at me. "Why do I feel like your changing your mind about going to the dance with me?"  
"No, but I thought you may have after everything that happened this morning." I sighed as I turned to grab my phone on the bedside table. Jace put his hand on my waist to stop me.  
"I like you Clary and nothing I heard today is going to change that. If anything, it's made me like you more." Jace said sincerely gazing at me. I frowned, "You've been through so much, it just shows me how strong and brave you are." He clarified. His eyes flickered to my lips as the hand that wasn't on my waist came up and cupped my face. I felt my heart flutter as he leaned in slowly and kissed me. it was a slow and gentle kiss but my whole body felt like it was alive.


	16. Chapter 16

Jace slowly pulled out of the kiss and a huge smile spread across his face. "I wanted to do that this morning, before Izzy walked in…but it was worth the wait." Jace smiled and I smiled shyly back as I felt myself blush. My world was spinning, my emotions were on a superfast rollercoaster and my brain couldn't catch up.  
"Speaking of Izzy, she's waiting for me." I smiled and Jace nodded slowly releasing me from his embrace. I quickly grabbed my phone and my jacket before heading out Jace close behind me.  
Izzy, Magnus and Alec were all in the foyer waiting for us. Maryse walked into the foyer and to my surprise handed Izzy a credit card. Izzy smiled at her happily then looked at me.  
"Shopping time." She smiled waving the credit card and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her laughing.  
"You all have fun." Maryse smiled at us and walked back towards the kitchen.  
Magnus had a car and offered to drop Jace and Alec off at Simons on the way to the mall. Izzy had insisted I got shotgun and I knew it was because she knew about my issues with being touched. Though she didn't know I was ok with Jace's touch, more than ok, my body was still buzzing from his kiss. Jace looked like he wanted to say something before he left but Izzy practically pushed them out the car arranging for them to meet us at lunch. I couldn't help laughing at Izzy's enthusiasm to shop.   
We were browsing through rows of dresses in a little boutique shop Izzy had found.  
"Oh my god Izzy! how much?" I hissed at her as she passed me a dress she thought I would like, and she laughed.  
"Don't worry about it, my parents can afford it." Izzy smiled as she pulled another dress off the rack to look at it, before seeing my disconcerted look. "Honestly Clary, my parents have plenty of money and they told me to make sure we both got something nice."   
I wasn't use to having money to spend, in our house, new clothes were a luxury.  
"Ooo Clary I found the perfect one for you." Magnus called walking over to us carrying a dark blue dress. it was floor length and was one shouldered. The shoulder had silver jewels trailing down it and along the neckline, the jewels also trailed around the dress just under the chest like a belt. There was a large slit down the sides to show the legs. It was beautiful.  
"I don't know, it shows my back." I said self consciously   
"it looks like it may cover most of it. we can always use makeup to cover the rest." Izzy said, "Go try it on." She urged smiling and I rolled my eyes at her as she ushered me to the changing area. This was like the 6th dress they had made me try on, in this store.  
Izzy had been right the dress covered most of my back leaving only one shoulder blade visible and the bruises on it were fading and hopefully would be gone by next week. I loved it, the dress made me look like I had curves in all the right places.  
"Come on Clary I want to see!" Izzy called impatiently, and I pulled the curtain back to show them.  
"I'm a fashion genius!" Magnus smiled, and I laughed.  
"It's perfect. He's going to love it." Izzy smiled. "Just need to get shoes and jewellery to go with it." she added, and I rolled my eyes at her.   
"And who is He?" Magnus asked raising his eyebrows at me.  
"Jace." I blushed   
"I knew it." Izzy laughed excitedly, and Magnus smiled. I rolled my eyes again and closed the curtain to avoid any more questions and to change back. It still felt so strange when I thought of Jace and me and my stomach got butterflies every time I did.  
Izzy finally found a beautiful plum coloured floor length dress that had a criss-cross strappy back and Magnus went for a very formal black tux. We had dumped our shopping bags in Magnus's car and were heading to meet the boys in the food court at the mall. They were sitting at a picnic bench style table talking animatedly to each other. Magnus and Izzy sat down next to Simon and I slid onto the bench next to Jace.  
"So, did you get everything you needed?" Jace smiled as we sat down.  
"Magnus did. Clary and I still need shoes and jewellery to go with our dresses." Izzy said, "But we found the perfect dresses." Izzy beamed at me making me laugh.  
"Really I'm intrigued to see." Jace smiled glancing at me.  
"Oh no! just because your date lives in the same house. no previews before the night mister." Izzy said pointing a finger at Jace, making me laugh again. Jace put both hands up in defeat smiling at Izzy before putting and arm around me pulling me to his side. Everyone's eyebrows shot up at the fact Jace was touching me and I didn't care.  
"I can wait." Jace smiled. I felt myself blush and looked away from the curious looks we were getting.   
"Since when?" Simon asked curious pointing to Jace's arm around me.  
Jace shrugged and smiled not saying anything. I smiled and rolled my eyes at him.  
"so, when did you ask Clary to the formal?" Izzy asked curiously smiling at Jace.  
"This morning, right before you walked in. thanks for that by the way." Jace said laughing the last part.  
"Walked in on what?" Simon asked eyebrows raised.  
"Practice. Get your head out of the gutter." Izzy smiled playfully elbowing Simon.  
"Hey I'm a guy. It's always in the gutter." Simon shrugged smiling making us all laugh.   
That's when I saw him. I felt my body instinctively stiffen. Jace must have felt it to because he looked at me  
"Clary? What is it?" he asked as he saw my face.  
There stood at the corner of the food court watching me was Valentine, in his dark blue jeans and beige jacket. He had a baseball hat on to avoid being spotted I guess, his photo had been on the news. But I could tell it was him and he was blatantly staring straight at me. he gave me a smile when he noticed I recognised him. my stomach twisted.  
"My dad." I said still staring at him. Everyone spun to look for him as I said it. he started to move and before I knew it I was running towards where he had been standing a moment ago. I saw the flash of beige and denim and followed, I could hear everyone calling me as they followed. "Dad!" I called, and he froze in the doorway to turn to look back to me  
"See you soon Clarissa." He called smiling and then turned and left. I ran and pushed open the door. I turned in a circle searching for any sight of him, but he was gone. Jace caught up with me first, followed close by everyone else.  
"DAMN IT!" I cried when I finally resigned myself to him being gone and Jace pulled me to him putting his arm around my waist as he scanned the area.  
"Yes, I'm sure it was him. I'm here with his daughter. I think she knows what her own father looks like." Simon called sarcastically down the phone at someone. He must have called the police.


	17. Chapter 17

**JPOV**

_A small red headed girl is tied to a chair,_   
_while a tall dark figure looms over her._   
_The belt buckle shines in the light as he swings._   
_He swings again, and everything is consumed by darkness._   
_Suddenly I'm standing in a hallway at school,_   
_Clary's wrapped in my arms smiling brightly at me._   
_I lean down to kiss her and suddenly she's being pulled_   
_out of my arms. She's being dragged into the darkness._   
_She's scared, and she reaches for me. I run to try and reach her_   
_but she's gone, swallowed by the darkness._

I jerk awake sitting up. What the hell was that? I haven't had a nightmare in years. I glanced at the clock on the nightstand, 2:39am. I sighed and swung myself out of bed and headed off to the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of orange juice as all of yesterday's events came flashing back. First the interrogation yesterday morning with Mary and detective Jamieson, then the amazing kiss with Clary, I couldn't wait to do that again. Then valentine showing up at the mall and the police turning up and taking our statements, only to have them come again later that evening to interrogate Clary some more. Seeing her dad had rattled her more than she would of like to admit. I could almost see all the barriers she had been letting down around me and the others go straight back up at the sight of her dad. Though she still let me touch her, her emotions had been locked away.  
I sighed and downed the rest of my orange juice before heading down to the gym, I could really do with a round with the punch bag to get rid of my frustration. I opened the door of the gym and was hit by screaming. Clary. I rushed over to where she was tossing and turning tangled up in a blanket on the floor. I had forgotten she had taken to sleeping down here.  
"No! Dad No! Stop! Seb!" Clary screamed  
"Clary! Clary Wake up!" I called as I crouched down beside her. I hated seeing her in pain, even if it was only a nightmare. "Clary!" I called again as I touched her shoulder and she sat bolt upright gasping.  
"Jace?" she blinked confused at me after a few seconds. I had forgotten to turn on the light as I entered so it was still very dark in the room.  
"Yeah it's me."  
"What are you doing down here? What time is it?" Clary asked confused as she hunted for her phone on the floor near her.  
"About 3ish I think." I said running a hand through my hair. "I forgot you came down here to sleep and I came in and you were screaming."

 

**CPOV**

I shivered when he said screaming. The nightmare still very fresh in my mind. I glanced at him, he looked tired and flustered himself.  
"What are you doing up at 3am?" I asked my throat sore from all the screaming.  
"Ironically, I had a bad dream." He laughed softly, "But I feel it wasn't as bad as yours." He added stroking a loose piece of hair behind my ear.  
"I'll be ok." I smiled shyly at him, glad of the darkness hiding my blush from his gaze.  
"I just wish there was something I could do to help you." Jace sighed sitting down closer to me  
"you just did it. You pulled me out of it." I said quietly. "I hate waking you all up with my nightmares, it's not fair on you all. But at the same time, you guys wake me up before it gets too bad." I shivered again and Jace's fingertips stroked the side of my face making me look at him. He leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips.  
"then I'll wake you whenever you have a bad dream." He smiled  
I shook my head. "I can't ask you to do that. Besides if I go back upstairs I'll wake everyone else up too." I sighed.  
"Then we stay down here. That way you can't wake anyone else up. And you didn't ask I offered." He smiled.  
"You don't have to do that." I said shyly "I'll be ok, honestly."  
"I want to. Let me help you Clary." Jace said sincerely watching me for my reaction. God, he looked stunning with his ruffled bed hair. I still couldn't understand why are guy like him would like someone like me.  
"OK." I sighed, and he gave me a breath-taking smile before getting up and jogging over to the cupboards. Few minutes later he comes back with a makeshift pillow and lays down on his back a little way away from me. close enough to quickly wake me but far enough to give me my space. I smiled and laid down on myside facing him and pulled the blanket up. It was cold tonight. He rolled onto his side to face me. we both lay there just watching each other for a while. He was wearing pyjama bottoms and a thin t-shirt, he must be freezing. Before I realised what I was doing, I lifted the blanket offering him to join. His eyes went slightly wide for a few seconds before he moved closer until he was inches away from me under the blanket, his head laying on my pillow. My breath caught at his closeness. He gently stroked the side of my face and leaned into kiss me softly on the lips again.  
"Goodnight beautiful." He breathed. Sleep? How can I sleep with my heart racing at his touch?  
"Goodnight." I said shyly and rolled over, so my back was to Jace. I felt him move back a bit and laydown, and I suddenly hated not feeling his warm touch. I lay still for a moment to see if he would move closer, but he didn't. I shuffled my body slowly backwards and felt his arm against my back. I stilled, enjoying the warmth from his arm flood through me; feeling my body start to relax. Suddenly he moved his arm away and I sighed at the loss before gasping as I felt his hand stroking around my waist. His movements froze when I gasped.  
"Is this ok?" he whispered in my ear sending tingles through my whole body.  
"Yeah." I breathed and he moved his body flush with mine. Oh my god it felt amazing. I nuzzled in against him and laid my arm over his that lay across my stomach.  
"God, it feels incredible having you in my arms." Jace breathed into my neck before kissing it. My body was on fire from the sensation, but I couldn't help smiling at the fact Jace felt the same way. I sighed contentedly and closed my eyes; letting the steady beat of Jace's heartbeat against my back soothe me to sleep.


End file.
